Sunday, December 13, 2009

through me they live...

i close my eyes and ‘see’ the women of my family’s past...
i let my mind wander along my ancestors’ journeys...
travels that connected one to the other in a long line...
histories...no, 'her' stories that course through my veins, a part of my being,
accessible only through my mind’s imaginings...
spanning the globe, these women bore from their wombs my family’s survival…
so for me, they matter, for without them, i wouldn’t…
i like to think they were strong minded, strong willed, strong...
their beauty not always on the outside but…most often shone out from within…
they had their flaws, yes...
but through their failures came their successes,
they were resilient…
i imagine songs sung to little babies,
coaxing them to sleep...
whispers in the night only for the lover’s ear...
i imagine tears shed over pain overwhelming,
as loss became bitter on the tongue,
a wound in the soul...
i close my eyes and see through their eyes,
gazing out upon their worlds...
their simplicities tied in with their complexities...
these women had dreams, desires, hopes and fears...
they fell apart, they pulled together…
and through me they live,
thru my own daughters four, they live…

dedicated to Sarah, Casie, Jada & Liset
....my own daughters four....

Friday, November 6, 2009

i demand of you this...

i demand of you this...
be better...
i demand that you rise above...
that you use your talents for more
than just enrichening yourself...
i demand that you be an example...
you are not living here alone...
you have much to offer...
if only by living the best you can...
i demand you stop for a moment...
give thanks for your blessings...
wallowing in self imposed pity,
is a waste of all that you are, all you can be...
i demand that you seek your destiny...
rather than wait for fate to push you round the corner...
examine your choices, learn from them, good or bad...
i demand much, oh, but wait...there's more...
i demand that you take what has shaken you to your core
and use it to build yourself back from the abyss of sadness...
this depression is a weak, meek excuse to be victim...
stop...take what you've learned and turn the ugly into beauty...
you have a compassion now borne from having been at the
front line of hard experience, whatever that experience may be...
i demand that you stand after having fallen, shake yourself off...
i demand all this, and so much unspoken more...
after all this, with audacity i ask but one more thing...a favor if you will...
i ask that you in turn, demand all that i have and so much unspoken more...
of me....

thank you...

it use to be...
i was easily impressed by a favorable mention,
i was easily impressed by the obvious...
no longer is this so...
i find, i've become particular...
if you speak to my mind, my soul...i want to hear more...
don't tell me i am beautiful
if you haven't had time to know my soul...
beauty being only skin deep...your compliments fall empty,
unless you have taken the time to know the soul within...
listen...weigh heavy my words...
challenge me, make me accountable...
respectfully i will consider your views...
thankfully, i will examine my own...
to fight the good fight, it is imperative,
to be clear on all the vantages, all the facets that are possible...
question me, challenge me...anger me if you must...
i will respect the truth of what you say...
i may take it on... i may...hehehehe...
or i may not...that's ok tho'...
you made me think...you made me examine all that is....
this is a good thing...for this i am grateful...
for this privilege...let's go grab a beer, listen to good music,
converse, argue, make up and talk some more...
be the inspiration that challenges me to be my best and then some...
and know that when all is said and done, i have but this to say to you....

thank you....

Thursday, November 5, 2009

And what?!

And what? Whatchu gots to say?
I beat the odds oh yeah I did...
I didn't believe the lies...
I didn't allow your own inferiorities to become
mine.
I kept on keepin on.
and my power is paying off..
you see, my power is my own...
has nothing to do with your lack of faith...
my power stems from a deep place, a profound knowing.
I know what I can do.
I know what I can offer.
To believe any less in myself is not only a sin...
I would later regret.
It is a disservice I would have committed against the world.
I am a force to be reckoned with...
this scares you.
As I write this arrogant prose,
I realize,
You fear me!
You have reason to!
Ha! Yeah I'm makin my dreams reality.
So...
What? Whatchu gots to say?
Not a damn thing, yeah.
When in the presence of greatness one does find oneself rendered
Speechless.
That's ok tho'...
I enjoy the silence your shock is awarding me.
I enjoy the breeze of success blowing upon my skin after
the work and sweat I put into making my dream come true...
feels good, feels real good...so...
what? Whatchu gots to say?
Ahhh not a damn thing huh? Cool, wouldn't take a moment,
No, no more precious moments to entertain your fears.
Step off, I've got things to do...
What...never mind...don't care whatchu gots to say...

Dance With Me

Dance with me
show me it's safe to follow you.

I've never felt safe with a man,
my heart an open book
so he can tear out my pages.

I look in your eyes
wishing I could trust
that you are real.

Your hand reaches for mine
and again I ask,
show me it's safe...

to follow you...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

empower

empower yourselves...give yourself permission to love yourself, to cherish your humanity...
teach our children this love so that when they move out into the world, they can face any situation...
build your self esteem, know that you are Divine...
by your example, lead our children to hold themselves in high esteem...
this way, they will turn away from those who would profess false love, those who would cheat and lie to them...
teach them their value as human beings, allow them to see your eyes light up when they come into the room...
know that by doing these things, you are changing the world...and you are living righteously...
it isn't necessary to do big things, it isn't necessary to receive thanks for your deeds...
the simplest of actions trigger an invisible wave that stretches outward into the world...
live your life with honor, love and respect...feel the joy and gratitude for who you are, what you have...
regardless of our skin color, our ethnicity, our religion, our class...regardless of these differences...
we aren't so very different...fundamentally...
what is fundamentally the same is the light that shines within us...this light is what makes us all brothers and sisters,
this Divine spiritual force that resides inside us all...
all the rest is just noise, agreed upon standards that weren't always there...
to look at a black man and write him off simply due to his color, this is not Divine, therefore it is a false way to live...
to say to a woman that she must cover her face, this is not Divine, therefore it is false...
anything or anyone who would put down another speaks not from his or her soul but rather,
they speak from a place of fear, they have forgotten their own spiritual Divinity...
we must offer forth the grace of forgiveness not just to these people but to ourselves, for all of us have
succumbed once or twice to this fear...some have made a life of following this falsity...
they aren't happy...
let us teach our children to look outside of societal mores that do nothing in the way of empowerment, hence,
they do nothing to honor humanity and nothing to honor God...
let us honor God...
let us honor ourselves...

Sunday, November 1, 2009

the spirit dance

i close my eyes and let the music envelop my senses,
headphones allowing only for the notes of one song,
then another to enter upon my listening...
my body sways, surrendering to my soul's wanderings...
like a flame flickering, fed only by the sound of instrumental musings,
the exploration of a world not far from our fingertips,
a place we once could see and if we let them, our children can teach us about,
before we erase their memories with our well meant teachings...
a place set deep in our hearts,
a memory we all share but can't all seem to remember...
music, in the midnight hour is to me a release...
momentary freedom from the bonds of fears taught to me from a past
i'd like nothing more than to distance myself from forever...
take the lessons gleaned yes, but forget, sweetly erase the memories of the pain evoked...
when i let myself float upon the music, i remember from whence i came...
i see my spirit's vibrance as though stepped back from myself...
my soul gazes back with loving eyes and then i step in...
back into myself and i become again what i have always been...
i sway with a spirit's grace, colors played upon by the light that is mine...
the light that is within and shines through my own eyes...
out to a world struggling also to dance the spirit's dance...
the music is playing, always, the Creator tenaciously continues to strum the strings,
waiting so patient for our awakening...for our dance back...
back to the light that we carry inside as subtle reminders of the brilliance that borne us...
words barely express my own joy as my spirit takes over and i sway...
vibrant colors, light plays upon light...and all this with eyes closed, looking in...

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

skim the surface...

see, it's a dangerous quality i possess...
i'm too deeply motivated to share, too generous with my profound feelings...
i entrust my emotions too fully to those who would choose only to skim the surface...
they want none of what i have to offer, even as they taste the splendor,
they reject the feast...
what transpires then is...
i am left empty handed and feeling betrayed...
and there is no one to blame, no one...
aloneness is a place i find most secure...
here in this silence is a peace i am more and more succumbing to...
wrap myself in a blanket of solitude...
no empty promises, no need to break through walls...
i leave you alone...
you leave me alone...

remember...

take a walk with me, be quiet and still your mind...
let's walk up to that mountain in the distance...
when we get to the top, we will stand and listen...
close our eyes and listen with our hearts and spirits...
and we will hear them...
we will hear the drums of our ancestors...
we will listen to the songs of the old ones...
there will be no differences in race, color or class...
the music of the ancient tribes throughout the world will combine...
and the songs will become one song...as familiar to our souls as tho'
we'd sung them too...
and we have, we just don't remember...
we will stand on this mountain, you and i and we will know peace...
we will know love...we will remember...
for who we really are is not so different from one another...and those differences...
ahh, those precious differences are what is so beautiful and sacred in each of us...

we will remember...

Monday, October 19, 2009

i am but a...

i am but a note sitting upon a page of music that both delights and saddens...
a melodious sound that evokes both pain and joy, love and hate...
i am but a word sitting amongst many in a story that has no beginning, no end...
a book that entices the Reader to turn page after page,
never knowing what will happen next...
i am but a stroke from a painter's brush, sitting upon a palette of many colors...
i know that my hue graces His canvas and that i am a part of a great work...
i am but a breeze left over from a great wind, a small drop of rain...
from a great storm that has crossed over the fields of humanity
and left it's mark forever...
i am but a small part of a larger scheme...so small,
yet, i am so important...
He treasures me, seeks me out, as he does all my brothers and sisters...
you are as i am...small, seemingly insignificant, yet...not so in His eyes...
we are cherished, loved without condition, treasured beyond all reason...
there is no reason other than pure and complete Love...
we are this and more, simply...we are...simply...
i am...

Thursday, October 15, 2009

the "less than men"

Catcallin, whistles and stares…
Raucious statements made as she draws near
This is no way to talk or treat a woman
All it stirs in her is anger and fear

They notch their belts with conquests had
And miss entirely the point where lies true admiration and respect
Of a woman’s worth they are unaware
Their calling to be real men suffers a disconnect

These I term the “less than men”,
Males who believe they are defined by their penis
Yet, that which swings between their legs
Has nothing to do with their manly status

See, a real man may have desires to express himself like a dog
But, he has the strength of character to choose another way
A dog is held back by his master’s leash
While a real man can keep his own inner animal at bay

The man who raises his hand to a woman
Suffers an inferiority he’d rather not face
So instead this ‘less than’ uses her as a distraction
Feelin like he’s putting her in her place

When all he’s really doing
Is digging a deeper and deeper trench
The bullshit he refuses to face
Hits him full on with its foul stench

These fools run rampant the world over
They are contained within all the races
More often than not you can tell who they are
Look them in the eye, watch how fast they turn away their faces

Oh my sisters, one and all
Choose not these falsehoods with whom to live out your lives
Self love first and foremost is priority
Real men seek women who look them square in the eyes

It’s time we demanded better of ourselves,
Our Spirits ache for more than this
We must not only raise our sights to a higher calling
But then turn and help each other from the abyss

The time is now to stop this madness
treat our men and women with respect
teach our children to rise above
and forever banish our Soul's neglect

voices

i hear voices…
sometimes they drown out my own thoughts…
mean and degrading, full of blame and hate…
these voices battle for my attention
trying to lay claim to my Spirit
all the while distracting me,
from the moment…the here and now…
they pull me back to a time when ‘he’ would beat me down…
sometimes verbally, sometimes physically,
always Spiritually and emotionally...
the voices sound like anger from men who personified rage…
my father when i as a child erred in some way,
the men i chose to enter into relationships with…
all men who saw no value in me and made sure i knew it…
took me a long time to forgive my father
and even longer to accept responsibility for allowing
inferior men to become fixtures in my world...
you see, with responsibility comes power
and today, i am indeed a powerful woman with a voice of my own…
so, why do i hear these damn voices?
they seem to want to draw me back,
they question my confidence and sometimes…
sometimes...have me also questioning…
they are insistent…
insisting that i somehow deserved the abuse i suffered…
that i pushed ‘him’ to do what ‘he’ did…
that i caused his anger and brought his rage upon me…
i know this to be a lie…i do…
and yet, sometimes…i believe the voices and i dream of those days...
in my dreams i am a little girl and my tears fall silently…
i reach out to him, as his hand strikes my face…
i want to prove my worth to him…somehow earn his love…
i fail miserably and this breaks my heart…
i wake from my dreams to those voices yet again
spouting ‘i told you so’…
and for a moment, i agree…
for a moment…
and then, the warrior that is me speaks up…
her voice soft but strong...
she speaks to the little girl sitting lonely inside me,
her words wipe away the tears,
her love holds my heart, mends the brokenness
and leads me away from the noise that threatens
the peace i work so hard every day to build...
she points out that by my own example will
i lead my daughters to view themselves with esteem and love…
this thought alone is enough to dispel those wretched voices…
i am a work in progress and every day is a choice presented…
everyday the battle begins anew…
one day, i will know peace
and my daughters will walk proud knowing their mother
healed herself…
from inside the darkness…she found the light…
and faced down the voices…

she is a warrior

precious and pure she was,
you took your anger out
on her vulnerability
you bullied her fragile spirit,
and shattered her esteem
while it was still fledgling,
before she had a chance to
process for herself what was her's to blame,
which was nothing...
but she didn't know this truth
she didn't know why all this
ugliness was hers to bear
it shouldn't have been
and i as mother failed to see
failed to recognize the profound depth
of her pain
pain you were causing her
everything comes full circle
you bastard lie of a man
everything
and i am no longer blind
i see and i am angry
the lioness has awakened
and will not rest
until you pay for what you have done
and my daughter?
she is a warrior
a temple divine
and this mother will never let her forget it

Saturday, October 3, 2009

acknowledge it's presence...

if we allow it, nothing is wasted,
all that is said, heard, experienced,
inflicted upon the soul...
can be considered as a stepping stone to the next level of being...
a chance to learn and maybe,
one day...
teach...
this life is dynamic, everchanging,
as hard times phase into good times,
one thing is certain...
those good times will again,
phase into bad...
and so on...
such is the way of things,
the only guarantee amongst all that is not guaranteed is...
life stands still for no one...
to set one's heart on some illusion
that joy can be had and held tightly
is a fool's game...
a game that will render the player heartbroken and singin blues that frankly...
no one wants to hear because they're singin their own rendition...
peace is hard won and privy it seems only to those wise enough to pay mind...
to signs and voices so small they almost fade into the background of the mind's chatter,
almost...
all that is...all that ever was and will be can be viewed
from a place of acceptance...
why the need to fight and create baggage for life's experiences?
baggage that we then, on some idiot's tangent, actually choose to carry forward?
when, if we paid mind to the still, small voice within all of us,
we would understand that what was said and done is over...
and what will be, will be...
and our need to battle in some inner war is devoid of meaning...
if all we choose is anger and strife...
there are lessons to be gleaned from all that is...
and levels to be reached within...
this life is so much more than the ugliness we wallow in...
we only need look around that most obvious of corners to see...
the peace we seek has been there all along and simply...
patiently...
waiting for us to acknowledge it's presence...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Hell

Hell is personal. To each their own abject sense of misery and pain. It is not a place one goes after living a life of sin. It is a present tense dwelling and it is real, a place that isn’t reserved for the evil, rather, it is open to any and all and not by choice.

Hell is a tree in Darfur, under which a village must take shelter from the sun’s severity, keeping constant vigilance against soldiers who seek to destroy their very culture. For these villagers, it is in a choice made whether to send a woman for the water or a man, whereupon the woman is chosen because the worst that will happen is she will find rape on the other side of that fence. To send a man means certain death, although, his soul dies a bit more every time he watches his woman go forth to that well. She holds her head high, better her body sacrificed to this violation than the death of her man, one of so few that continue living thru this genocide wreaked upon Darfur’s people.

Hell is a parent’s infinite vigilance even after the police have told him that chances are his child is dead. Not knowing is worse than any hell religion could muster; fire and brimstone a welcome respite to the absence of a child from his/her family.

Hell is a drug taken once only to find the need for it so overpowering it destroys not only the user in his insatiable search but, everyone who loves the addict, yet hates him for his weakness. His scars opened again and again as he inflicts upon himself punishment even as he dwells in a pleasure too short-lived for this high to mean anything long-term. Yet, it has this man by the throat, a monkey on his back that will not soon, if ever relinquish his hold.

Hell is a life wasted and a soul discarded, pain inflicted not by gods but, by man himself. No god could ever come up with as much creativity as we humans have. We are our own worst enemies, the tortures we come up with so varied and monstrous, who needs Satan to render any sort of torment? Man seems to have quite the tenacious handle on self persecution and self destruction.

Heaven and hell are not privy to only those who would claim they are sacred and holy, rather, they are the playgrounds upon which mankind frolics. Both are and will always be subject to our own designs and both are at odds with each other, whether within or without. I choose to create heaven and, if presented with the option, I will always battle hell. My soul is not waiting for the priest to dictate to me where I will go after I’ve chosen the direction of my path. Heaven and hell are choices made while living and by my own soul’s directive, I will not succumb to hell’s wrath. Neither should you….

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

the real me...

Sitting at the park, feet in the sand…
This grown woman visiting with the little girl that is me…
Trying to understand what happened-
when did it become so easy to let a man hurt me?
Voices in my head at odds with each other.
The shrill voice that places blame on all my actions, “you keep making him mad! If you didn’t challenge his authority, he wouldn’t hit you, insult you, tear you down!” Blah, blah, blah…

Then there’s that other voice…she’s been there all along, always quiet, her words like a breeze thru tall grasses, soft and gentle, they hold my heart and speak to me from places deep and wild…from that place where the warrior that is me rests, where the magic that is me resides. She quietly speaks a truth profound, “You are not the fault of his anger, but, you are the fault of your suffering because you stay.” My breath catches as these soft gentle proddings prod me to gaze into my own mirror, and oh, this hurts, to see my own folly, to know I handed my power over to this shell of a man-and for what? For him to freely abuse me?

Fuck! “Shut up,” I quietly whisper to the shrill voice that chooses to blame me for his inferiority-while at the same time I pack the mother fucker’s shit and put him out, the rain that falls transcending from drizzle to downpour…karma is indeed a bitch and I embody that bitch oh so well tonight…tonight when I take my power back.

The warrior that is me is done resting and the magic I wield seeks an outlet, finally. I am free and this life…this life has been waiting too long to meet me, finally…the real me….

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

There was a Time...

There was a time when our elders were the holy vessels by which tribes survived through the ages. Traditions were taught to the youth through story and the old ones were considered sacred and venerated, they were respected. Cherished were the stories told for they were the backbone of the tribe, the history that determined the worth of each individual member, hence, the value of the tribe itself. Bibles and holy books didn’t exist for the story of the People was carried by the People. I long for these days gone by. I ache for a time when we lived by the rules of the world we were borne into, rather than by rules created by man…fallible and wretched, rules that serve to break us down rather than allow us to be all we can be. There was a time when Nature’s rules were all that mattered, survival of the fittest was a truth we all lived by, but it was survival of the fittest in its most authentic form. We took care of each other, looked out and knew each other for all our strengths and weaknesses. We made up where the other left off and we as a tribe survived, earning a place in the world that today, I’m afraid we don’t earn…we merely take. I don’t want to take my place. I want to know that I am part of the ebb and flow of all that is. Let me breathe deep the air that seeks to nourish these mortal lungs while at the same time, caressing my skin to cool me on hot nights in this desert. Let me gaze fully at a moon that lights my way while I walk paths of old, paths so ancient that I am inspired to speak nothing, just listen as the old ones walk with me and whisper their stories in my ear. Oh, I beg of thee…whatever Power that be, oh Story Teller of old…take me back to a time when our elders were the holy vessels by which tribes survived through the ages. Take me there and leave me…for my soul is battered and I am tired of this life, this lie of a life I find myself living.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

your light

beautiful friend...i need you...
i need rest from this pain...
i don't know what you can do...but, know this...
i am grateful for your silent understanding...
as i find my way thru the darkness...
your light shows me the way, unconditionally...
means so much...
means everything...

thank you, beautiful friend...

real...

tired of games and analyzing what was meant behind what was said or not said...
need to be real and surround m'self with those who aren't afraid to be real with me...
don't ignore me, push me aside because you lack the courage to get to know me...
perhaps feel for me...
just feel it out, go with the flow of things...
enjoy the moments we spend together...
i can promise you this...
you ain't ever met another like me...
and that is a very good thing...

gotta push thru...

gotta push thru...gotta push thru this pain...
don't need nobody...nobody can help me...
it's on me to figure a way thru this...
my babies need me to figure a way thru this...
and somehow i will...alone....

Thursday, August 13, 2009

sunsets and shoulders

man...i need me a sunset, good friends,
a bonfire on the beach, pass it to the left and
let me breathe deep...

let my mind wander to good times had,
a time when nothing was expected,
when my smile reached my eyes and no pain rested there...

i need my soul refreshed, God, i need a shoulder,
i need someone to rest in,
just for a little while...

so tired of deflecting pain,
when all the while another pain has
already made a home in my heart...

gotta keep pushin through, keep smilin, this too shall pass?
maybe not, but 'it' will not run things,
not if i can help it...

but man, do i need that sunset...

Monday, August 10, 2009

fall

there's a coolness in the night air...
hinting at a change that's coming soon...
we moan and groan the hot days but,
pay attention...the nights are whispering to us...
fall is just around the corner...
my favorite season by far...

Saturday, August 8, 2009

what more do i need....

beautiful, clear nite...
cool for arizona...welcome respite...
takin this puppy out, puppy i didn't want but...
i'm a sucka...my daughter knows i can't say know to a sweet little baby...
i sit here waitin for her to do her thing...
feels good...barefoot i am...
simple are my needs/wants...
good music, to know my friends and family are safe...
green grass and a bright moonlit nite...
what more do i need?

yeah...oh yeah...

Friday, August 7, 2009

let go and let be

i wanna let go and let be...
i want to see where the light leads me...
be like a child, filled with wonder...
as life unfolds in front of me...
i want to breathe deep the joy that comes
only after letting go...
i want to learn who i am and in the process...
feel the true freedom that is birthright to us all...

let go and let be...
no more meddling...
i am not the author of this story...
called my life...
i am merely a player...
and my life is more than just an egocentric trip
i got things to do...mountains to move...hearts to heal
i have truth to expose and depths to feel...

the power i carry within
will have an outlet if and only when...
i learn to let go and let be...
relax and focus on being the best me...
after all is said and done and i've been real to my purpose...
only then can i say i've truly lived a full and out loud life...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

find peace

through all my pain and sadness,
the light breaks thru and shines over me
warming my soul to the knowledge
that there is so much good in my world,
so much i have to be grateful for

my children, tho' not all with me
are happy and healthy
i have my own health back and
i am taking on the world
i am in command of my own destiny

this i must remember when times get rough
and they inevitably will
as inevitably as will the joyful times come
to find peace amidst both extremes
this be the only thing that really matters...

splendor of colors....

i see a world filled with a splendor of colors...
each wondrous soul trailing a vibrance of hues...
we know not our beauty, we have no idea our own worth...
we shroud ourselves in cloaks of dark pain and worthless guilts...
we judge ourselves and each other and we miss the truth that lies
right in front of our eyes...
not i...i am coming out of the darkness and the light...
oh the light...it hurts these eyes that seek only to see...
i will not look away, i will look into this light...
i will not accept just a mere glimpse...
i will gaze full on at the world around me...
and then, i will gaze full on at m'self...
i will cherish my colors, self perception opening to include love...
self love first, but a love that spreads out before me to encompass all that i see...

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

i taught her well...

i taught my daughter to make sure she had back up when in an argument...
so, when she told me i was a bad mother...she did just what i'd taught her...
she had back up...evidence that in her young mind proved my lack as a mom...

yup...i taught my girl right...

nothin hurts like when your child tells you where you are wrong...even when you know she simply has no idea what you do, what you've sacrificed for her and her sisters...all she knows is what she knows and if that's how bad she feels...how well have i done?

listen to the silence...

listen to the silence...
she has a lot to say...
she speaks to you in thoughts you never voice...
in memories you keep locked inside...
in emotions you hide away from the world...
sometimes even from yourself...
listen to her, she is a quiet unto the quiet...
she makes no effort to be heard, she just is...
in this silence waits the truth, for you to hear...
beyond facades and political correctness...
away from the protection of well meaning people
who would shield you from pain you need to feel to feel alive...
pain you need to deal with if this life is to be yours to live and learn from...
listen to the silence...listen to her and heed that familiarity you sense
when you hear her voice...
that familiarity is no accident, this silence is no stranger...
for in this silence you will find yourself...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

yo...

hey...knock knock...you...look at me...no,
LOOK at me...don't you see me? don't you feel me?
man...at least don't you feel that crazy tingly feeling one feels
when someone is longing for them?
wow...you don't do you...
yo...knock knock...i am woman...

and you are a man whose heart is guarded...
blind and dense to what is right in front of you...

right in front of you...

my timing is...impeccable...

who made up these freakin rules?!

we send our kids to school so they can learn the basics; reading, writing, arithmetic and...compliance....the rules of society, agreed upon by the many and to hell with the few who may have stood outside the box just long enough to say, "whoa....wait a minute....that's not going to work....", that guy was either labeled eccentric and tolerated or, straight up put down...put away, done away with....well, now what's happening? yeah...that's right....it's not working....and it's becoming all too clear that something must be done...but, to step out of the way "it's always been" is an almost physical battle...when your paradigm is all you've ever known or all you can remember, to step around that wall is a committment to change many are simply too frightened to committ to...
i want that change...i want it so bad i can taste it....that's not to say i'm not scared...i'm scared to death....but i want it nonetheless....i want to know what it's like to live, really, really live....i want to do away with the noise that threatens my wakefulness...i want the core of life to be all that i am, on every level....to stand on that mountaintop and feel the cold wind on my skin, breathe in my freedom as i let go of all that i have....all the "stuff" i've hung onto for so long...i want to spread my arms as though i could fly and i want to feel the full force of it all...to let go and become a part of it all...to know that i am not separate from all that is...that my identity is simply another agreement i've taken on...that is all...who i am is something much deeper...
this way of thinking....this realization wakes in me (again) a respect for everyone i come across...the connection is all that is, all that truly matters and a constant second only to the fact that everything changes....even identities....my compassion grows for the one who i would normally be bothered by...he is a gift....a way to wake me up from this dream....
yeah....wake up....realize that "this" is simply an agreement....it is not reality....look around you....most of it is not reality....decide for yourself to live....LIVE...

Where I See Myself

i am sitting on a beach, legs are crossed...the sun is setting and i am alone...the sand is warm still and feels good on my legs...i look out at the ocean and watch the sun's rays play across the water...i am calm as the tide moves in and out in front of me...in this moment, i am all that i am destined to be...i have all that i need...i realize that this has always been true...a lifetime of struggle is shrugged away as i accept the truth that, everything is as it should be...i run my hand through my hair and pull my knees up to my chin...the little girl in me sits on the edge of my consciousness...she has come to let me know that i am a child still...that, when all the layers of life are peeled away and all my pain is released...i remain full of wonder and excitement at what there is to learn....not what there is to have but...learn...my story can be changed...i can make it up as i go...nothing is predestined...it is all merely an experience...when we go back to the childlike in us, to the innocense that we emanated when we first arrived, we look at the world with fresh eyes and we can let go of the stories we've written...stories that clouded our vision...we are enlightened and with this comes empowerment...the quiet, peaceful, strong kind of empowerment that seeks to prove nothing...it just is...

this is where i see myself...

The Time Is At Hand

She stood at the fence quietly surveying the scene before her...armed guards holding back the surge of people fleeing death, poverty, oppression. She noted the arrogance of the soldiers as hoses were lifted to spray at the screaming crowd...again. Mothers shielded their children, fathers stood defiant against the torrent of water. She felt a sense of deep loss standing there, just far enough way to feel only a few drops...the lack of compassion complete, no sense of humanity was evident as soldiers followed their orders and families followed their needs. Whole communities had been torn asunder as the power wielding few destroyed what was once...great. What had been lost was a concept deeply buried under
apathetic self pity...the comformist's web had been spun and freedom's very essence had been bled dry. Even the soldiers had been blinded...their souls pushed deep into wells of self righteous ignorance. The power of many, when gathered and organized, is as strong as steel and a thing to be reckonded with...but...for the power of many to be realized there must come an awakening...a rising of indignation and a demand that changes must be made...will be made. She knew this as she quietly stood watching her people; black, white, brown, yellow and red. She remembered what once was and was again stricken by a deep sadness...oh, if only they would stop fighting...if only they would learn to fight as warriors rather than victims caught in a mess of angry self reproach. She stepped back from the fence and climbed a hill to sit again under a high oak tree. She waited for the children to gather and then began telling the stories of days gone by. She knew that in these children a spark would light and a longing would grow...dignity and grace, which is present in us all, would stand strong again in their hearts and minds and the fighting would be replaced by the quiet certainty that freedom was the one thing belonging to them all...a birthright that would once again reign supreme over any greed for power, money or prestige. The time is at hand...the fighting will end, the awakening will be complete. And it will be in the hands and the hearts of our children.

the perfect night

she sat quiet, thoughts within thoughts, peaceful contemplation...
breezy night, fireflys swirling to and fro...her legs over the pier, feet in the water...
jasmine softly swirling around her senses...she breathed deep, exhaled contentment...
he walked up quietly and sat next to her...she leaned on his arm and smiled...
both looked out on the water, silent in each other's presence...words had no place here...
the perfect night...

The Day Has Come

The day has come for a most fundamental change, a breakthrough that transcends all boundaries.
Humanity has reached a crossroads – there is no going back – the “acceptable” mode of behavior has served to bring destruction and defeat.
The infection caused by our sickness has spread to afflict all that is around us – Earth Herself is chafing under the weight of our mighty callousness and utter disrespect.
The day has come when we must stop what we are doing and look at who we have become – open our eyes and see the damage we have done. There is no point in hiding, there is no place to hide – the sins of our fathers have destroyed our sanctuaries, our hiding places – we must stand in the face of the evil we have allowed to run rampant, we must destroy the Devil that we created – the scapegoat that we laid our maliciousness upon.
The old ways, however, will not work – we must open our hearts to even older ways – methods that have no name – no beginning, no end. The only cure for our sickness has been with us all along – for we were born from this “cure”, we are our own healing. Lay down your anger – your judgments, your self proclaimed righteousness. Take a look into your enemy’s eyes and realize they are your own eyes. As the battle rages around you – find your quiet place – remember who you really are and then, extend your hand to your brother, make a way for your sister, learn from your father and go, teach your daughter. In this family – to which we all belong – we must learn again to open our arms, take hold of each other, forgive ourselves and then look outward to pick up the pieces, rebuild.
Throw away beliefs that would only serve to separate and remember the Oldest Way...
– the way we all walked long ago – the Way of Truth.
We are not separate from one another – we are all connected – spun together in a wondrous weaving, lovingly created – a creation we are sadly destroying. The adage that united we stand, divided we fall – this is no mere quote, words strung together for effect. This statement is one of truth – we must go back to the beginning.
To all my brothers and sisters – humanity has reached a crossroads – we can come together and move to the next level – united – or we can fall – divided, our ashes blown by the winds, our Mother Earth continuing her travels without us.
I, for one, would like to continue our journey.

sky...

so many skies...each one so different...
from the wide expanse of a desert sky over Arizona...
or the unsure blue-gray over Colorado...
South Carolina with clouds full to overflowing, monsoon bringin with it the smell of rain...
or Spain's beautiful blue that stirs in me memories not my own but, a part of me always...
Washington's sky would drizzle one day and dazzle the next, the rain a constant...catalyst to so much green...
California's summer night, a midnight blue...perfect for walking down low lit beaches...kisses by the sea...
each one so different...each having it's place in my mind's eye...

sing out...

sing out...sing the song that is you and sing loud...fleeting is the desire to be, yet be you must...be real, be you...i am aching inside...i watch the world around me, i watch my brothers and sisters lay to waste their sacredness, i mourn the unnecessary angst...hatred borne from fear...fear of what? how can we be so afraid of each other? we walk this world as though our stories are real...we carry our scripts to hide our faces so that we can fade away into nothingness...never living, never honoring ourselves, much less each other...yet, and i strive to be as they, there are those individuals who raise their eyes and look deep into the facade...they strip away the mask and lovingly reach out to any and all...there is no one beneath them...they, these wise souls, have seen the light and live out their lives extending the mirror to the world around them...the light they have seen, it is not in some long lost story...it is not in some unreachable corner of the world hidden as though a treasure to be sought far and wide for...no...this light though hidden it would seem is just within reach...it is within...look into this light, i ask thee, my fellow lost soul, look into this light and rest your Spirit...let your light shine...shine bright, let your voice be heard and sing loud, reach out and take hold of each other...only then will freedom's lost place in this world be found...

she's got her own mind

all of 12 goin on 25...
she's my right hand...
stepped up to the plate when the men i chose couldn't/wouldn't...
life's been unfair to her before she had a chance to know the difference...
guilt racks my soul...she forgives me...i haven't forgiven m'self...
she speaks her mind, too much like i was/am...
we butt heads, stubborn to the core...
my beautiful first born...i love this kid so much...
no one has the power to make me as angry...or fill me with as much pride....
when all i remember is being told i didn't matter...
how do i see past this to teach her that she does?
so damn tired...so damn determined, nonetheless...
i am her mother...i can and will do right by her...
but...sometimes...it's too much...so tired...
want this life to calm down...even out...so i can focus...
give her...and my other daughters, what they deserve...
a mother who is there for them....
but...sometimes....this mother would like...if only for a little while...
someone to be there for her...

shelter from the rain

she closed her eyes as he began another angry tirade, raining his anger upon her...
like daggers at her spirit, his words cut, hurting her yet again...
she let herself wander to a place in her mind, a place of solace all her own...
under a tree she sat, breathing deeply...his shouting a dim disturbance far away...
leaning back, she looked out upon breathless beauty, grass blowing softly,
flowers lending their aroma to a breeze already pungent with the scent of rain...
she gazed into the distance and could see rolling clouds, filled with the promise of a great storm...
the air was cool on her skin, the moment so complete, so full in it's realness...
it would seem as though the angry man trying to degrade her so was simply a figment of her imagination...
she smiled and closed her eyes, let the rain dance across her face as the leaves on the tree sheltered her...

she made a choice

she stood quietly at the back of the room...no one knew she'd entered...
she listened to her family discuss her latest choice...her latest endeavor...
she heard the reproach in their voices, the disappointment...
the condemnation of yet another attempt at yet, another dream...
she was a single mother, how dare she take chances?
she had no business doing what would please her...
those days were long gone with the birth of her children...
she owed too much, she'd lost too much, to ask for their support meant...
she was asking too much...
this was what she listened to...as she quietly slipped out...

she walked to her favorite tree and sat down...her heart aching...
no words did she have for them...nothing could be said that would bring them...
to believe in her...
but, this was not the cause of her pain...
her tears flowed because somewhere along the way, she had come to agree with them...
she had taken on their doubts and had given in to their disappointment...
it had become ingrained in her...so much so that she hadn't noticed...
until the day she realized that if she didn't do something real...something outside of the box...
she would live her life dying a little each day...
and this would be the legacy she would pass on to her children...
it wasn't about the money...
it wasn't for the attention, or to prove her family wrong...
it was about living life out loud...taking full advantage of her gifts and blowing the lid off the rules...
it was about living a full existence and teaching her children by example...
the crossroads spread out before her that night...her fear almost tangible...
she made a choice...and she chose to take the road less traveled...
and damn, she was scared...but, damn...she was living...

say what you want...

say it aloud...let yourself hear your words...listen to your dreams and imagine them also...leave no detail out...no matter how crazy or out of line...nothing is out of line...
as opportunities present themselves, take action...IMMEDIATELY...
change your thoughts, you change your world...
be responsible...your life is up to you...

quiet

there is a place i want to go to...
it's quiet there, but for the trees blowing in the breeze...
i'm all alone...if only for a little while...
i sit upon a boulder looking out over a valley of deep, pine green...
the air is crisp and cold...i breathe in deep and smell nothing but the trees...
no expectations...no place to go, no place to be...
no one to count on...no one counting on me...
if just for a little while...

quick to judge

how quick to judge
how quick to write off
what may not fit society's whims...
that which is different
that which seems odd
may have depth deeper than the surface skimmed...

the status quo is no home to me
i reach for places unfamiliar
i don't care to fit in with popular demand...
the box is too confined
the lid threatens my air
i'll fight to the end and take my stand...

there are causes worth taking risks for
and lost souls searching for a light to guide them
fear of the unknown seems almost tangible...
but worse yet is doing nothing
i cannot forgive standing idly by
when help was so easily available...

we have forgotten who once we were
our old ways were holy and sacred
struggling we seek to find our lost place...
the new ways are insidious and destructive
we are killing ourselves slowly and surely
so ashamed we're unable even to look upon our own face...

peaceful warrior

i am a warrior...my battle is not for material items...i don't seek power or prestige...i seek peace...the pure serenity that comes when all is lost and everything is gained...this war is not won with weapons and death but, with persistence and quiet...with the presence of Spirit and the absence of hate...my battlefield begins and ends inside of me, the struggle of years running blindly through dark forests of brooding pain and choices made with bad intentions...and then...i breathe...

i am a warrior...my mission is pure...i stand alone in a crowd and i smile because i know that with this battle's end, i will have held the world in my hands and i will be free...and i will move forward, teaching those who want to learn...those who are ready to take the warrior's path...the way of the Peaceful Warrior...

night sounds...

The night sounds echo all around me...
The sky a deep, blue-black, dotted with an
immensity of stars.
I lie on the ground and breathe a deep, deep breath of contentment.
Nothing to prove, no one to impress...I am at peace.
I live my days playing the "game", sometimes bending the rules a bit,
here and there-
just because it's funny to watch the confusion on people's faces.
It's not real - what we must do to exist day to day, not reality,
just an existence we've created.
We've deluded ourselves - we've fallen asleep.
And now, I'm waking up...I'm just beginning to see.
And, it's freeing me from a life of doubt - a life of insecurity.
I have a long way to go yet - but, as I lie here - looking up at this great expanse of sky, I feel a love I know I've known before...
and it feels like home.

My Fellow Americans

Something is lost here in this mighty place...
unrecognizable our land from sea to shining sea...
we are a broken body with scars too deep to erase...
we no longer know the meaning of what it is to be free.

We've willingly traded liberty's sweet song...
for what we've been fooled to believe is easy gain...
the devil throws his head back laughing at the throng...
of souls gathered around our country's blood soaked stain.

We send our soldiers to die for our country...
we would claim to support and yearn their return...
yet, what reward do we extend for their tour of duty...
when our homes are lost and lessons go unlearned?
We reach to the one we would blame for our demise...
we would take him and force him to show his face...
and the shock of what we see behind his clever disguise...
sends through us waves of a deep and profound disgrace.

We will be forced to look upon a truth unbearable...
yet bear it and learn from it we must...
in the end, to create our new beginning, we must hold ourselves responsible...
for the guilty party ultimately and always is...us.

i stand on a mountain

i stand on a mountain, bright moon lights the valley below...there is no sound but for the night sounds...the breeze blowing the pines, my breathing, calm and even...the air is cool on my skin, the smell of rain faint in the air...i look out upon the simplicity before me...i long for this simplicity within me...to take each moment as it comes...no concern for the past, no worry over the future...i know i am headed to this place...from whence we all have come...my impatience unnecessary...all is as it should be...all is at it's own pace...my awareness is shifting from the "story" i've been brought up to believe is "reality" to...reality in it's purest form...i have spent a lifetime seeking for that which i had lost...the search ended when i realized that, all this time...what i'd been seeking had been contained within me...i have never been without...all that i am is all that i am supposed to be...perfect...divine...

i stand on a mountain...

sawdust on the floor...

she sees him from across the room...he saw her first....she feels a panic in her tummy as she notes he is coming toward her...the lights are dim, the music soft and the room warm with a breeze blowing soft through the windows...she smells his cologne as he draws near and watches his face as a smile lights his eyes...he says nothing to her, just gently takes her hand and pulls her to her feet...he places his hand on her waist and begins to sway to the music, guiding her to the center of the dance floor...she takes an easy breath and lays her head upon his chest and dances the night away...sawdust on the floor...nothin to prove, nothin to say...no need to speak...just two souls moving to the music...

i'd love to trace his lips...

...touch his skin ever so softly...lick his lips and feel his breath quicken...mmmmm....

why do nice guys finish last?

so...this sweet young man asked me why do nice guys finish last?
and the only answer i could come up with was...
they don't.
but, i couldn't tell him that, because, while he's busy figuring out his place in the world...
he's gotta go thru whatever life hands him and if life hands him a puzzle that's fallen apart...
he's the only one who can put the pieces together...
BUT...
if he were willing to listen, really hear what i had to say...
i would tell him, stop letting your pain dictate to you what the rest of your life is going to look like...
know that, when she hurt you...by you sticking around to help see her thru her bullshit,
altho you did open the door for her to hurt you more...
that's not to say you're a fool or wrong for having the heart to stay and the soul to believe in her goodness and worth...
because, deep down you know that for as ugly as she was toward you...as much as she fucked up...deep down she is worthy...
now, here's the rub...it's not that you failed as a man...it's that she failed to see her own worth and therefore...
no matter how hard you tried...or how "nice" a guy you were and are...there was no way your relationship could work...
fuck man...it takes two in a partnership...just because you believed in her didn't make a damn bit of difference because
she didn't believe in herself.
so...now what? you've moved on...or have you? have you?
i mean...you ask this question with a sardonic smile and a shake of your head...as if you know the answer and that answer is...
nice guys finish last because they're pussies...
or some such bullshit...
here's my take...take your time...why are you in such a hurry?
where do have to go that you can't take the time...the precious time you need...
to focus on you...to hone your character...to become the man you want to be...
because, while you are working on you...somewhere, out in the world...
so is she...she is busy learning from her mistakes, busy tryin to figure out her own place...
her pain is as real as yours...and like you, she gets back up after her sadness beats her down...
you haven't met her yet...but, you know her...
you know her smile, you know her sweet scent...you feel her soul as her Spirit reaches out to you...
know that she longs for you too...probably asks herself silly questions also...like...
why can't i just meet that perfect...that sweet....
nice guy?
and when you meet her...she'll make sure you know that in her eyes...
and in her heart...nice guys like you
never finish last....

my heart's desires...

my heart's desires...they're simple really...
they come by way of experiences had...
rather than in the form of the tangible...
give me my 6 year old dancing or my 5 year old's hugs...
my 13 year old negotiating with me like a pro, although i'm still going to say no...
give me a Maxi Priest song playin on the radio under a moonlit night...
sitting in my lawn chair and listening to notes traveling afar...
offer me the smell of jasmine and lavender on a breezy summer's late afternoon...
a sit under a tall oak tree while fireflys flit around me...
give me good friends laughing around a bottle of wine, with live music playing in the background...
luscious lips to kiss, strong arms to hold me...
let me be me...crazy, neurotic, silly me...that's all i need...

One Love

if i could change the world
with my words...
i would cry out for peace
among the people...
and the people would stop
and become
One People...
if i could change the way
we are headed
with but my heart's desire
and a wish whispered into the night...
i would wish for us to
go back to the Way we once walked,
the Oldest Way.
if i could, oh if i could
i would-
and all this pain, death, discrimination and destruction would stop...
if i could change the world with my words
i would choose, use
one word...
Love...
One Love...

Without Us...

I have been lost...
searching for myself.
I feel too much...
and I tire of this world's oppressive ways.
The media desensitizes with images
of dead and battered.
Our children grow up thinking they are
entitled...
into adults who think they are
entitled.
Entitled to what?
False gods would lie and profess we are somehow special...
with our humanistic sense of self-righteous arrogance...
our materialistic wants and our selfish designs.
Truth be known-for our very survival...
the slate must be made clean...
and all must be stripped away.
To stand with nothing...
is to gain everything.
To open one's eyes and realize
That all that has been created by man at the expense of others...
force fed by man to the point of destroying our world...
all this will eventually
be the demise of man.
And the world will go on-
we, with our arrogant sense
of self-importance are loathe to understand or accept that yes...
oh yes,
the world will go on without us.
Unless we change our mightily foolish ways-
The world will go on without us...
without us.

give me...

...a night under stars...
sweet summer air hot upon my skin...
voices within the distance faint against the sound
of the Spanish guitar...
my tongue still tastes the red wine and his kiss...
his breathe catches, even as mine does.
we dance to the music, passion dictating our every move...
we give in, not a care in the world...
the dance, the music, kisses under stars...

the simple things

i write about the simple things.
i take what is complicated and
make that simple too.
because in the end, it's all just that...
simple.
only we make things complex.
we make things hard and difficult to understand.
we put up walls around our hearts, make it almost impossible to reach our core...
or reach another.
we do this...
and it's time...
we...
stopped.

soul searching for release

velvety, midnight blue skies
sprinkled with stars as far as the
eye can see.
i lie in a bed of green grass,
tall and moving along to a silent song
sung by a breeze carrying with it the smell
of summer, rain, jasmine and lilac.
there are trees around me, their branches not so silent
as this same breeze coaxes a chorus from their tall limbs.
i lie here and feel the earth beneath me gently soothe my weary bones
and ease my sad heart.
somewhere my soul is searching for release but not yet....
not yet...for there are things still left to do, words left to write,
people left to help, a world left to heal.

stranger's eyes

you ever notice that when you look into a stranger's eyes,
they avert their gaze?
why?
they search for a hiding place,
they fumble, their eyes go everywhere,
but to your eyes...
it's as tho' it's all they can do to hide -
hide their failures and insecurities.
as tho' ashamed that what they wished to be in their youth faded...
that they somehow let it fail...
i purposely seek that one strong someone
to look back at me-hold my gaze.
i know it may bother some...it may be
bothersome...
but, it's worth it to meet that one strong gaze
that one undeniable, unfaltering look into another's soul that when looking back...
looks just like mine...

he breathed her name...

he breathed her name...
and he knew
she was the One...
he'd courted others before-
'said' their names-
he'd 'said' her name too, yet,
somehow, it was different...
this saying of her name-
as tho' it promised so much more...
and then one day, no warning happened upon him...
it was just a simple, quiet day...
he breathed her name...
and knew, as he felt her essence
course thru his veins...
she was the one.
she looked back at him-a smile upon her lips
and she knew also, an unspoken knowing...
he was hers
and on this warm spring day...
all was right with the world
because he
breathed
her
name.

Poetry

Poetry gives you a key to emotions you lock up tight,
until you finally find the words...the words are like a storm
that builds up slowly, taking up power from places deep inside,
wide open spaces that yield to freedom for the poet's soul.
Poetry is its own entity, a life force that moves of its own will,
taking the poet places familiar sometimes and sometimes unknown.
When my pen strikes up a conversation with the pad before me,
I feel like a third wheel, I'm given the privilege to be part of the words being written
but I must not, cannot, will not interrupt.
The flow and power rises from places deep inside me,
a storm that builds and must run its course and I, like a whirling dust devil,
swirl in ecstatic freedom.

You Gotta Face This Pain

This thing that's got you locked up so tight,
this pain that keeps you from breathing full-
you gotta face it, you gotta step back away from it,
turn and face it.
You must first take a moment to accept it's existence,
understand that it forever is an indelible mark upon your soul.
But only for a moment because then...
you have to stand your ground and tell this pain,
this ugly tortured mark upon your soul that you are taking control now.
You say these things softly but with resoluteness and conviction.
You tell this pain that you are no longer defined by it,
that instead, you will re-define yourself with the lessons it has taught you.
You will take this ugly mark and you will from it draw beauty,
you will see thru new eyes and look upon the world with compassion, love and empathy;
with the eyes once of a tortured boy but now of a man who has been there and knows the depth of pain, loss, disappointment.
As you say these things to the pain that has burrowed for so long in your heart,
something else will begin it's emerging from deeper still within you.
This mark upon your soul will shed its calloused skin and a light will blaze
through the darkness where once you chose to hide...you see...it's all choice.
You will breathe full for the first time in what seemed to be always,
you will finally...choose...to breathe full.

Our Healing Is At Hand

There is no right or wrong way to speak truth...
for truth is it's own poet, it's own storyteller...
So many voices, so many languages...
all rising up on high to speak...
truth.
Perspectives shared, brought together like so many patterns
on a patchwork quilt.
Colors so vivid, so vibrant their hues, only the eyes of the soul
can bear gaze upon it.
Songs, oh the songs!
They all rise and fall with a beat so old as to go back to a time before time...
existed.
They call forth a dance only the Spirit can know.
They call forth from memories buried deep inside the blessed depths of all Humanity.
Lay down your arms, set aside your hate, I beg thee to a world that won't listen.
The People are lost within a crazed, infectious swirl of foolishness.
Lies have blinded, deafened, deadened the souls of so many.
But...there are no right or wrong ways to speak truth...
I say this again and again.
First thru a hushed voice, timid in my new found resolve to speak.
I raise my voice and note a resonance, as tho' I am joining the voices of many-
many from the world over.
I draw from this realized sense, a sense far beyond that of bravery.
I know that the truth I seek, the truth of which I speak will be spoken
from places on high, from places down low.
Colors and songs will ribbon these words and
Spirits will raise their once downcast eyes.
I will call out the People,
lay down your arms, set aside your hate,
for Truth has come back for us and our healing...
oh yes...our healing is at hand.

light and song...

she dazzled as she walked...
this old woman from the
house on the hill...
her hair was white as snow...
her smile brilliant and her eyes wise...
more than the light she emanated...
there was also a sound...
like that of a song...
a melody that played just under
the conscious hearing...
only someone who 'listened',
in that crazy, kooky kinda way,
could hear that song...
the same type of person who understands the way of things old
and unmapped...
this white haired woman was a storyteller,
a visionary who saw past the hardened edges of so called 'reality'...
she saw the truth of things from where the eyes of the story peered deep
into the soul...
and she reached in...drawing out the hidden parts,
those parts people were too afraid to show...or,
too afraid to look upon.
she had an easy way about her...
made people feel at home, no matter what station in life they belonged to...
she was a love set apart,
a love that obeyed no rules so...she was accepted on all realms...
without even trying...
when she told her stories, the People stood in awed silence...
they knew these stories she was telling...had lived them...once,
long ago...before time had become a constraint upon existence...
the People breathed in her words and felt freed from chains
they'd worn for as long as they could remember...chains they'd been born into,
as soon as the warmth of the womb had been taken from them...
she told the stories that needed telling...
stories that needed to be lifted to the heavens so that the gods...
if gods were listening...would know...
that she knew what they were up to...
she gave hope to the People...and she held the People responsible...
for the madness of this world can be blamed on 'gods' for only so long...
this storyteller told stories filled with solution...
and the solution was...
responsibility...
go back to the Old Ways, she urged...
go back to what you, the People, know, feel, breathe as right...
there are no gods on which to place blame and, there are no gods on which to depend
for rescue..it is all up to you...
the People...
so said the storyteller...with hair as white as snow...and a melody emanating from her being...
'it is all up to you...the People'...

sex, soft, sexy, wet...all encompassing sex...

sex, soft, sexy, wet...all encompassing sex....
mmmm, kisses trailin moist from neck to thigh...
hands caressing wherever they find skin....
fingers tracing lips,
rubbin places that send hot shivers down the spine...
distractions are...what?
nonexistent, the focus is she on he and he on she,
one pleasing the other or is it vice versa?
bodies melding together so that the bliss one feels transfers to the other...
pleasure spots licked simply for the sake of pleasure,
there is nothing else but for the night breeze blowing soft upon naked skin...
whispers carried to the night sky,
like prayers to appease the jealous gods...
rocking back and forth into each other,
all at once soothing, sensual, sweetly sexual,
definitions to define a relationship unnecessary,
but to say this is just 'sex' is....wrong...
this is...two people enjoying one another,
finding the art and ecstacy of one another...
exploring the palettes that each other hold...
bringing out wondrous colors and glorious symphonies...
so into each other they are...
breaths mix and match each other's rhythm...
rhyme nor reason matter, they find their own...rhyme and reason...
night passes into morning and they part from each other's presence...
facing the day a bit tired, a bit raw...but with a hunger sated, an appetite satisfied...
with memories swirlin brilliant and wild in their heads...
of a night of sweet sex, soft, sexy, wet...all encompassing sex...

clear view of the moon

sat out on my porch tonite...fast becoming a favorite pasttime...had m'self a cigar and a glass of wine...nothing but the nite, a breeze to cut thru the humidity and a tree blowing soft beside my apartment...god...i love my solitude on nights such a this...a time for reflection...i contemplate my life...life in general...i ask m'self the same unending questions i've asked since i can remember...all the why, how, what if's that my heart desires an answer for...there is a peace i feel on nites like this that reminds me to breathe deep and take a step back from life every once in awhile...there is more than this...more going on that needs/begs exploring...and i'm more than happy to comply..

be real with me, be with me...

strip away the facade...
baby, you don't have to play games...
be real with me...
open your world to me...
this pain you carry ain't my load to bear...
shouldn't be yours either...
let go, let go and breathe...
i'll take care of you.
it's a trip how clouded our pain
can make skies we have yet to wake up to...
past hurts we drag into our future...
we mess up potential joy before
we have a chance to welcome
that smile,
that touch,
that soft kiss...
the games we play to avoid what once was...
we lose ourselves trying to make up rules as we go along...
God, let it go, be real with me...
be real with yourself...
then and only then,
can you be with me...

she allowed this to be...

he yo-yos her feelings with no regard...
playin cruel games with her heart...
he's off scorin another notch...
while her pain is tearing her apart...

she waits for him yet again...
he swaggers in bad as can be...
she knows what he's been about...
disrespect a scent he wears proudly...

somewhere she misplaced her own worth...
foolish hope keepin her with this man...
she taught him how to treat her by tolerating...
he's an ass just because he can...

she had made him her reason...
and forgotten her own rhyme...
she let him mistreat her...
and make her his victim, time after time...

responsibility a double edged sword...
the hand must close tight around the blade...
she must make a choice now...
even as she watches her light fade...

her life is better lived alone...
she must take courage and this truth embrace...
she must take back her power...
her mirror stands ready for her to face...

face herself, face her fears...
face that she allowed this to be...
peel away the layers of how and why...
only then will she truly be free...

live

i want to tear away this facade that has boxed me in for as long...
...as long as i can remember...
i look out at the horizon and i feel a change coming, i long for the tribulations because...
...because i know that with them comes the rebirth of what is true...
we live out these lives deadened to what is real...i want to raise my hands...
...raise my soul to the heavens and fly free of this angry bitterness that has been a prison...
the journey to wakefulness begins with the choice to be eccentric...
...eccentric and perhaps unaccepted, feared, even loathed for my bravery...
the fears of too many have been forced upon me, to include my own fears...
...my own fears have proved to be as chains, holding me back from authentic experience...
i choose to break free these chains...i choose to die to this old way of living so that...
...so that i may finally live, really, truly...LIVE...

it just doesn't matter

there comes a point when you realize, it just doesn't matter...the identity you create for yourself...really doesn't matter...
what matters is getting down to the nitty gritty...the "real" you...that part of you that existed well before any trends, fads, cliques or group orientations...
the real you depends on nothing for survival...it just "is"...no beginning, no end...it is what is good within you...that light that may dim but is never put out...

even your name isn't you...it is merely a title that allows you to traverse through this illusion we so often mistake for reality...
who do you choose to portray? what behavior do you choose to act out...where do you plan to draw the line today between what is right and what is wrong?
what is right? what is wrong? does what you see go against the grain of who you really are? does the box you see yourself in feel as though it is closing in upon you?
then break out...step out of the box and "be" whatever you want to be...choose for yourself, from deep within yourself...
society, as we've allowed it to become, tends toward oppression, the lock down of anything that is free thought, free speech...freedom...
the "rules" are not set in stone...they are simply agreements we've either agreed to or, in our apathetic slumber, didn't bother to question...
the idea that "that's the way it's always been done" is a lie...there was a time it was "done" differently...and...
it can be "done" differently still...
it just doesn't matter...who you portray yourself as, if who you really are never sees the light of day, hence, never gets the chance to make a difference...
it just doesn't matter...

Is there anyone looking at the big picture?

I believe something should be done about our border issues. I believe a way must be found that allows for people who simply want to work to come through our frontera with their heads held high; no more coyotes, no more crossing dangerous land, no more sneaking across. We must find a way to correct the mess we have allowed ourselves to get into in a humane and intelligent way. Racial profiling and scapegoating our undocumented people for all that is wrong with our country is not the way to save our country from the economic downslide we are experiencing. In fact, what we are allowing people like Sheriff Joe to do is not going to help us...rather, it is going to destroy us. Yes, there are many people here without documents. But for the most part, they are working and they are working jobs that Americans won't take. The very same Americans complaining about the presence of the undocumented worker probably says nothing when purchasing products touched by the hands of someone here illegally. They have no problem going out to eat or living in homes built by our undocumented. Will they complain more and more as prices go up and the country literally falls apart. I have no doubt...but will they have the presence of mind to note why prices are shooting up? Will they take a moment to look outside of their tunnel vision to see the incredibly irresponsible way our government is spending our money on a war we have no business being a part of? And when the American citizen is out of a job, without a home or food to eat...will they continue to blame the undocumented worker or will they finally, finally take responsibility for the manner in which he chose to live and the condition of the country he didn't bother to stand up for. It's very easy to point fingers. It's very easy to place blame. While I agree, there does need to be changes made...the changes necessary are not just regarding our borders. The citizens of this country have overspent themselves into a deep hole and now are finding themselves losing everything. Our government has done the same thing on a much larger scale and no one seems willing to look in the mirror and stop the madness. No...it's much easier to allow ourselves to be distracted by idiots like Arpaio. I ask you this...who will we blame when our immigrants decide enough is enough and leave us to the shit we've created for ourselves? They will know how to survive. The immigrant, documented or not, knows how to make due, how to adjust to whatever is thrown at him. Do you know how to be poor? Get ready...it's coming and sooner than you think.

invisible

my beautiful sister...you choose invisibility...hide behind your bruises and tears...
rather than take that first scary step, then another, then another...to freedom...to your real self...
to that sacred divine you that was there when you first breathed this earthly air...
take the chance...step into that unfamiliar place and lay claim to what is yours by birthright...
you stay...you let him continue to beat you down...then you choose death...

i say to you...make yourself known...stop being invisible...

I'm gonna take my 'moment' and run...

I see you from across the room...oh shit...you're making your way toward me...
you have that look on your face...that look that says, somebody else has
yet again...
done you wrong...
it's a mix of anger, disdain, reproach and the constant irritability that becomes second nature...
to one who is a perpetual...
victim...
I try to escape...I look around for a way out...my mind racing for an excuse, any reason...
to get the hell outta your fucking way...
fuck...
too late, i'm backed into a corner and the drone of your self righteousness has begun to...
yet again...
grate upon my nerves...
and then I realize...
why do I allow m'self to suffer through your whining?
why do I let m'self judge you for your judgments?
Doesn't that, in essence, make me...just a little bit...
like you?
I mean...seriously...why do we take ourselves so seriously?
And if we don't like where we are...where we've CHOSEN to be in this moment...
why don't we just leave?
Are we so arrogant to b'lieve that this moment, is somehow...
ok to fuck with, ok to waste...as if we're somehow an exception to the Universal law that governs...
all that is...b'cuz people...all that is ain't guaranteed...and this moment, is precious indeed...
why waste our “nows” by bemoaning our momentary station in life when we could be taking chances...taking risks...living in every sense of the word, rather than simply surviving and becoming...
victims of circumstance.
You make your way towards me...you begin your tirade but, your moment of self pity...at the very least with me...is short lived...because...this time...
i'm gonna take my moment and run...

honesty

when is honesty the hardest to swallow? when you have to be truly, totally and completely honest with yourself...when you find that your next step cannot be made without taking that long, hard look in the mirror, only to face layer upon layer of work still needing to be done...work in progress, yeah, we be that but, we don't face that...it is what it is, until we bring all our mess of emotion and judgment to the table...if we were to peel away the heartbreak we've "decided" to experience, if we could detach ourselves from the emotional standpoint of the situation, whatever it may be...could we still consider ourselves human? or, would we be at the standpoint of Spirit? would we retain some semblance of compassion for the ego facets of ourselves or would we simply turn our backs and walk away? i dunno...nor am i meant to know at this time...i can say, however, what i hope...i would hope that the compassion remain intact...that we look upon "ourselves" with a loving kindness that is borne from that divine place in all of us, outside of us...that place that is us...to the point of this post, or is there a point? perhaps these musings are simply the attempt to capture a momentary glance into why it is we would lie...to each other and, to ourselves...what is the point? who are we trying to fool...in the end, one way or another, it all comes clean in the wash...why tolerate the stains we create with our untruths when the honest truth is so much so the best way to go? difficult tho' it may be to face oneself...the walk into the fire permits the rebirth of greatness, if only we can summon forth that strength to bear that sweet pain...burn away all the facades we've taken so long to build up around us...make the vulnerable in us strong so that when all is said and done, all that is left is all that truly matters...all that is left is the real, most venerated part of who we are...Divine...

He doesn't get me, she doesn't understand...

As she caressed his face, he took hold and gently brought her hand to his lips. She caught her breath and smiled. Butterflies tickled her tummy as he looked deep into her eyes. From a short distance away, these two did not realize they were being watched by another couple, much, much younger. The younger two had just finished another round of arguing; they were hard pressed to remember what the argument was about. They sat on the bench and looked on as the elderly couple on the blanket ignored all the passersby on this Saturday at the park. As the anger in them calmed, they were touched by the love that could be seen emanating off the old man and woman. Did they understand that this love wasn't simply an emotion as it was years of work, understanding and compromise? Could they see that life had not been just roses and passion but had also been pain and monotony, anger and forgiveness? See, this is what is missed much with people. Somehow we think that once we fall in love, that's it, we've found our "one" and our work is done. This a fallacy, a messed up mentality that leads many to quit too soon, many to walk out on relationships that could very well be the best thing that could have happened to them. Our women need to know that men think differently, it's just the way it is. Our men need to know likewise is true about the woman's mentality. We are different and these differences are a good thing, we compliment each other. Too often men and women make each other wrong for what is fundamental within our makeup and because of this, too many families are broken apart, too much is left unsaid that should be said and way too much is said that ought to be re-thought. Little bit of advice from someone who is day by day, painfully yet thankfully seeing the errors of her ways...understand and accept that to reach a man's heart, you must allow him to be who he is...learn the way men think. To reach a woman's heart, a man must do the same. Learn each other, respect each other and, love each other. To be different is good...very good.

hate and my part to play...your part to play

cliche' tho it may be....bear with me....
take two three year old boys...put them in a room together with a box of toys...
one child is white and borne of a culture that has had a long standing hate and fear of anyone non-white...
the other child is black and borne of a culture that has long standing defense system against those from the aforementioned culture...this defense system came to be after much persecution and injustice...the hate they feel came in riding the waves of their evil treatment...it rode in and staked a claim in many hearts...
these two children from such differing cultures sit in this room and play with the toys in the box...
they don't know each other's names but, no matter, they are playing together, enjoying each other's company...
the word tolerance has no place there because there is nothing to tolerate...they are simply two children playing...
getting along...
the past that took place before they were born, this past is nonexistent in their minds...makes no difference to them...
the hate that their parents and those before them feed and carry...this hate has yet to make it's nasty mark within these two children...they are pure and the evil that surrounds them is waiting for its chance...
you see, it's just a matter of time...these children will leave the room soon, say goodbye to one another...
they will go back to their families and they will be brought up listening and learning the way of their cultures...
they will take on the feelings of their people...even if they have nothing to back up those feelings other than the stories told to them from those who experienced and expressed the hate they feed...the hate will have won again...

hate sits and waits...it's very easy to be spread...one feels hate towards another and acts on that hate...the person victimized then takes on hate toward his persecuter and, if given the opportunity, will act on the hate towards another who represents the group from whence the persecuter came...the hate then is passed on and on...growing in strength...the hate becomes immersed within the cultures' mores and societal structure...the hate finds a home and grows...the evil wins again and again and again...
to rise above the hate, even at the hands of monstrous torment and persecution...this requires incredible strength, honesty and forgiveness...this requires a Christ mind...the ability to separate the evil from the vessel carrying it...from the one who would act out on it...there are examples throughout history of those who were able to do this...Buddha, Christ, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Immaculee Illibigaza, etc., etc., etc.,....to infinity...it is possible for us if it was possible for them...
but, sadly, too many succumb...much easier to give in to the hate...it takes a hold psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, culturally...in so many ways....and it grows...because, we let it...because we don't wake up and take responsibility for our own part...we, each and every one of us, has a part to play...because we choose the easy way makes us as responsible for the evil in the world as those who blatantly committ evil against another...
think about that...hard to swallow isn't it...that you might have a part to play in the suffering happening across the globe, across the ages...
so i ask you...what are you going to do about it? what are we going to do about it?

freedom

freedom is breathing in the night air and feeling satisfied for the moment, for all it's perceived lack...it is a moment guaranteed to no one and yet...when one is present to the gift...one is alive and oh so grateful...

freedom is the full moon's glow as your child revels in the marvel she is witnessing and then, attempts to tell a story about the glorious sight she is privy to...and all because you set aside the "rules" and took your children on a "moonwalk"...

freedom is knowing he is on his way and when he arrives it will be right on time because you will be ready...and all this readiness, what will it be for? for the simplest of pleasures...a soft kiss, a lean on a shoulder, a silent night spent in the companionship of your love, your friend, your soulmate...

freedom...freedom is...no box can hold it, no story can bind it...it is, simply what it is...and it is all that it needs to be...

for the playas

i wrote this after reading an article by a self proclaimed "playa", bragging about his manhood...dumbfuck....this is dedicated to men and women alike...
yes, you'll say i'm "playa hatin"...
is there such a thing as "playa lovin"?
men and women alike who go around scheming and playing games with people's heads and hearts...
you do this because you don't have the fucking courage to be honest.
if you want to fuck around for awhile, sow your oats and stay away from the monogomous relationships,
there ain't nothin wrong with that (if you protect, protect, protect yourself)...
however,
there's something deeply wrong with lying to people,
conning them into thinking you feel more than you really do...
what kind of shit is that?
you play with people's heads and hearts and then walk around like you're the shit...
you're a lyin ass con artist...
there's nothing to be proud of here...
to me you're a snake in the grass who attacks when the other person is at his or her most vulnerable...
those are the people you need to stay away from...
you laugh at the trust someone places in you...
why would you in a million years think that was something to make light of...
trust is something to cherish...
what dumbfucks you are...
YEAH, i'm calling it like i see it...
and i'm callin you out...
i've come across a few people who have been lied to and hurt deeply and quite frankly,
it makes me sick...
these are good people, sweet and honest people...
that anyone would want to play games with their feelings
is a reflection of their own lack of self esteem
and their own inabilities to maintain anything of substance...
you are scared and it shows...
so, for all of you who've been played, don't take it personal...be glad you figured it out and got out...

Enigma

she was an enigma, even to herself...up one day, down the other...both directions taken to the extreme...she longed for the middle ground, a balance within the spectrum of emotions...she didn't know her exhaustion, she'd lived it so long...

she fell to her knees...the pain that permeated her right down to her core threatened to take her very breath away...she prayed, quietly at first but, as her sobs wracked her frame, she began to call out to the Source, beg for some respite...the disappointment of many years, many broken promises weighed on her as though the world had settled in upon her shoulders...she prayed and prayed until her voice was but a whisper, again a quiet begging to the Universe to help her make sense of a hurt so deep and so old as to have been there even before she was born...

and then the dawn came, a light fell gently upon her face and woke her from where she'd let the sleep take her...she sat up slowly, gingerly, feeling a soreness in her body, the result of a violent purging in the form of tears and screams from the night before...she looked out toward the window and saw the same thing she'd seen the day before...only this time it was different...the tree still stood in her front yard, the neighbor's car still sat in his driveway, life seemed the same...but, she was looking thru different eyes...a different vantage point...somewhere in the night, an angel answered her prayers...a simple prayer really...she was given the gift of stillness, of calm...and from this place she was able to see the world from a different vantage point...she saw the light...emanating from everyone, everything...most surprising...she looked to her hand and saw that same light...
she still felt emotions to the extreme...but no longer did she fight the sway back and forth...she flowed with the tide of her feelings and released herself from the prison she had locked herself in...an enigma she remained to the outside world but, within, she was at peace with her uniqueness...for once embracing her intensity...

Eagles

Awesome memory; 20 years old...hanging out with my boyfriend Andy and a group of friends...we're sitting around a fire in the desert in Grand Junction, CO...it's the middle of the night with a thumbnail moon and a multitude of stars...one of my friends, Scott, owns a truck with a sweet stereo system and he's playing Don Henley's "Boys of Summer"...Scott's a fanatic for anything Eagles or close to them...the music sings out into the night while we sit in each other's company, quiet...just diggin the moment...

despierta

she threw open the door in angry frustration...the wind was picking up on this hot day, hinting at the storm coming...she stepped outside and began her run...her hair she'd left out and she looked like a wild woman...she didn't care...years of living for everyone else had begun to take it's toll...what did it get her to sacrifice her needs for others? nothing but disappointment and disillusion...she ran for all she was worth, up the side of a very tall hill, the switchbacks served as a though a race track on which to extend her wrath...her mental dialogue was more a ranting from the inner voice she'd ignored all this time...that still small voice could no longer stay still or small, rather, her inner Spirit grabbed her full attention and made her take responsibility...all this time she'd ignored her own very real, very valid needs...she was sick and tired of this half living...she wanted to live fully, explosively...she hammered her way up the hill and reached it's crest...only then did she slow down to a jog, then a walk...breathing heavily, she looked out over the valley and watched as the storm blew in with certain fury...she felt as though she'd been freed from a cage of her own making...from now on, she would come first...her daughters would learn this from her, treat themselves the way they wanted others to treat them, rather than the other way around...this wasn't about selfish egotism...this was about finding and fulfilling her own joy, her own destiny...it was time to break out and make herself number one in her world...if a man could handle her intensity, by all means, she would dare him to try...if he took up that dare, then he would be worthy of her and of her daughters...if he couldn't handle it...he could be man enough to walk away or damned enough to be tossed out of the way by the sheer power of her will...andale...es hora de vivir!

Declaration to Governments and Religions Worldwide

Your lies transparent...
you care nothing for me.
I see thru you, the fog you shroud yourself with
is lifting...
your ugly face, your ugly soul has no place to hide...
you are afraid of me...
and I know it...
No more power you hold over me.
I reach thru this box and feel~
FEEL!
I am alive! I step thru and breathe the air...
I am FREE!
You may try with all your might to confine me....
HA!
Your attempts are futile.
I walk the way of Old...
I need nothing from you...
I need nothing at all.
I am free.

dance!

Dance, Dance, Dance!
I wanna dance!
In fields and valleys under tall trees and skies of blue.
I wanna dance with abandon - feel my body sway to the music
of thousands of different tribes blended into one.
I wanna let my people's songs immerse with my own and I wanna dance to melodies and beats that span the globe, that span times past and long departed -
cultures and traditions coming together to create music meant for dancing...
meant for loving...
meant for healing...
I wanna dance.

connections

We are as connected to this planet as we are connected to each other. The turmoil we are feeling today is the result of an unconscious (and worldwide) attempt to make ourselves exist contrary to our very natures. Where once we were so aware of our spiritual selves we are now seeking to find ourselves. Where once we lived on a lush, fertile world, we have now (created) a home that is screaming to the Universe Her pain. She too is seeking who we once were. The ancient ways blessed our Mother Earth, the ancient Peoples honored Her and each other. There was respect for Nature, they never took more than what was necessary for survival. Something happened along the way, some kind of change swept over the world and with this change came a need to control/dominate. People who hung on to the old ways were slaughtered as this new world thinking paved our Earth to make way for roads on which to travel, homes in which to settle, farms to cultivate and industries to thrive. Rules and regulations were created and agreed upon by the masses, however, even those masses could not deny what raged within, even as they pushed down the voice till it was but a whisper. Today, there is an awakening happening throughout the planet. I feel it and I know you do too. It's becoming more and more urgent, more and more persistent as we spiral through this Universe and watch our planet shrivel away before our very eyes. There is a dis-ease happening that must be attended to but only with medicines of old. Only with an awakening to our Spiritual selves which means an awakening to our connectedness, a realization that the way we've been going about our day to day is the very way that is destroying us. We must reclaim our dignity as a human race, set aside thoughts that we are somehow unworthy and open our hearts to our own fundamental goodness. Forgive ourselves for our transgressions as we forgive those who would transgress against us and then begin the healing. It begins as a turning within, a brave glance into our own looking glass to see past all the baggage we would choose to carry. We must choose to let go all this unnecessary weight and find the love we've been keeping from our very selves. Once we pass this way, we must then look outward and extend the love to each other. The old ways honored God, honored our Earth, honored each other. If we are to save ourselves and in turn save our home, we must learn again to Love, Honor and Respect. We must learn to reconnect with the vibrant force that courses through and all around us. It is the only way....

class is in session

"When you face a challenge truly, there is no thought. There is just the looking...you see what needs to be solved at that moment, and that looking is fierce and gentle at the same time. And there is an activation of a greater intelligence than whatever you have learned." -- Eckhart Tolle
There's a place we belong to....a place accessible to us all. The rules of religion or of society have no bearing on this place. It's where we go in the quiet moments...when our mind is still and we step outside of the mores we have been programmed to think are reality...it's that twilight place between who we really are and what we would force ourselves to become...when we go there...we are at peace...it is the only "true" reality...all the rest is a story...parts we play on a stage...we are immersed in these roles, all the while knowing, feeling that there is something else, something just outside of our reach...we ramble through life playing our parts and living lives that barely scratch the surface of all that is possible...what we seek, struggle and strive for is there, always...within the profound soul of ourselves...just a breath away...and when we wake...when we begin to access this place, we realize that to truly be alive, we must be able to pull ourselves outside of this "play"...we stand off to the side and watch ourselves...only then can we make the best choices because that is when we get "it", when we can see that the thing we call reality isn't, instead it is a malleable game we play, easily managed...fear and doubt is replaced with a kind of childlike joy...wonderment...anticipation...this is who we really are...students, living out roles in a classroom...what do we choose to take from this place? Who do we choose to be in the face of all the lessons we are presented with?