i've been putting on a show

i've been putting on a show. i've been running away from myself, hiding in places like Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest. i've been acting like i don't care as much that he hurt me when the truth is, my heart still bleeds...i'm just getting used to it. how can one man be so important that even his absence is like a kick in the gut. i have inundated my world with all things positive & i have reached out with as much optimism as i can muster. faking it, trying to make it...masking this intense pain with smiles that don't reach my eyes & laughter that sounds hollow to my own listening. is this really it? are you really going to let me go with texts & one phone call? and i have to make due with the realization that my emotions bring out the coward in you? coward? in the end, this is what hurts the most...that i love a coward. i don't want to accept this. i thought you were better than this. what a heartbreaking disappointment you turned out to be. and how disillusioned am i that i fell for it, hook, line & sinker. i let you con me. i let you hurt me. and now i have to pick up the pieces and figure out where they go.