gotta see this thru...

gotta see this thru,
even when all the advice sits
deadset against my takin that chance...
gotta see this thru
such a mess...such pain...
but i know there's a clearing in there,
somewhere...
got my foot right outside the door...
my heart ain't so fragile i can't take the truth...
but, i gotta see this thru...
when all is said and done...
no regrets do i carry...
because i'll never have the words 'what if'
haunting me...
i'll have done all i could...
my exit won't be hasty, rather...
it will be a graceful parting...
because...
i saw this thru...

mi salma...

i know this girl...
she is my storyteller...
i know that i can count on her to make things make sense...
she is my soul sistah...
my friend,
my compadre...
she is crazy in the kitchen...
can cook like nobody's business...
i do believe that when she's creating that incredible meal...
her grandmothers are living thru her...guiding her to know what spice
goes with what herb...
she is magic...
she comes up with analogies that make me stand in awe...
cuz they make perfect sense...
crazy chic could write a book from those analogies...
she is a mother who has raised her children from the deepest of loves...
her sacrifices have been great but, she would have it no other way...
she took on her role as Mother ready to give all of herself...
and all of herself she gave...
and gives still...
profound are the children she has raised...
these 3...Leyla, Donta, Maya...
man, they light up any room they enter...
they carry their own innate magic and...
they carry their Mama's magic...
my only wish...
my greatest hope,
is that she know...
she is my storyteller,
my soul sistah...
my friend...
and blessed am i to know her...

love knows me...

always i have felt things from such a deep place...
i remember, 6 years old, inconsolable over a dead bird in my backyard...
until mi madre showed me that with the death of that bird,
came life...an exchange that meant, in essence...
the bird would go on living in other living things...
i remember camping and my father teaching me to be quiet and listen...
the woods were speaking to me...the trees had secrets they wanted me to hear...
i learned to respect Mother Earth...and, to have compassion...
because, not everyone was as fortunate as i...
not everyone was taught their inherent value, their innate worth...
it is my belief that if people...all People, were taught how precious they were...
they might, just might...know to value all that was around them...
i learned to have love even when whom i would love was immersed in self hate...
i grew up knowing that no one is beyond healing...
it's a choice after all...
sometimes this deep place i feel from is too hard...
hurts this living soul...
but the pain i feel ebbs with time...
and oddly enough, only adds to my being...
i regret nothing...even mistakes i've made...
because those mistakes served as doorways to worlds
i needed to explore...
and i am grateful,
because i know love...
and love...yeah...
love knows me...

intention

i don't believe in promises...
too much can happen to stop the promise kept...
i believe in intention...
i believe in the effort set forth to keep that promise...
and if, for some reason,
that promise is not kept...
i believe in waiting just long enough for the reason...
i believe in the intention behind the promise and...
if i know that the intention was pure...
and the promise maker did all he could...
then, as crazy as this may sound...
in a sense...
in essence...
this promise unkept...
was indeed kept...
because the intention was there...clear...pure...real...
the intention wanted to become reality...and i...
i feel a need to honor that intention...
even as the broken promise threatens to break my soul...
i won't let my soul break because i know...
he tried...he tried with all he knew...
he tried...
his intention was right...
even as he wasn't right...
his intention was right...

forgiveness

forgiveness...
it is in and of itself a grace...
a gift to give another and...
fundamentally to give oneself...
for when you can forgive another their transgressions,
no matter how grievous...
you in turn receive grace within...
no one is infallible...
and some of us display more fallibility than others...
we're just, simply...so damn hard on ourselves...
and why?
when life is so hard already?
i made a vow long ago...
at the grave of my brother...
i would/will never write another off...
although i may have to walk away...
for my own self preservation...
my heart and my soul will never give up on another...
human beings are so hard on each other...
we judge each other and we give up on each other...
we give up on ourselves...
but...there is such a joy...such a deep and profound peace that comes...
when we can stand in our failures and keep standing even as our shame threatens
to knock us down...
we are 'only human' after all and, with this said...
if we can pull ourselves up from the depths of our pain...
pull ourselves up and take that precious step forward...
we will know healing...
true, real, rich healing...
love will flow, the way it always should have...
before we decided to cast judgment upon each other...
before we decided to cast judgment upon ourselves...
i ask of you...please...
trust me...
trust y'self...
breathe...
and then...
take that step forward into that precious, precious place known simply as...
forgiveness...

the enemy

man...relax...breathe deep and then...
breather deeper still...
what are you fighting?
don't you know the more you fight,
the more fight you'll create...
you see...therein lies the trick...
created by an ever vigilant trickster...
he counts on the ease of your distraction...
as soon as you let your rage take dominion...
you've lost the battle,
because then, you won't be taking action...
you'll be forced into reaction...
and what is reaction but,
're' enacting the previous action that frankly
was designed to diminish the power you wield...
you wonder at my words, you think i'm crazy...
i know you do...
patience...listen as you've never listened before...
your rage is like a fog that envelops your senses...
your power is more than what is physical...
it stems from a place within...
this place is quiet, peaceful...
all is as it should be there and,
all the answers you need come from there...
all the answers are simple, obvious...
but you will be blind to them if you give in...
and what is giving in?
it consists of letting your rage run rampant...
the enemy counts on that...
and he counts on something more...
he counts on a traitor...
a traitor that knows you better than anyone knows you...
if you give in and let this enemy bait your rage...
a traitor will be born and the enemy will have won...
in turn...this enemy and the traitor that is you will shake hands and
become one...
you will become what you have been fighting...
the traitor will hence then become the enemy...
and the enemy will become...
you...