the good stuff

that easy feelin…oh yeah…

summer breeze blowin white, cotton curtains

through an open window…

smell of jasmine and lavender on a hot day,

children running barely clothed thru tall grasses,

laughter floats in,

tickles my soul, brings a smile to my face…

feel of a good man, kisses soft, hands caress…

minds connect, spirits entwined…good stuff…

music to sway to, unbidden beats…aww, can’t help it…

get up, dance barefoot in the bedroom, to the kitchen…

pour a tall glass of lemonade, wipe the sweat from his brow…

bodies still hot from sex just had…damn…

the good stuff remains…in me, in him, in you…let it be…let it flow…

nothin but peace, love…pure, real…

experience it, let it be…no walls, no definitions…it just is…

and, yes, oh yes…this is good…the good stuff…

jagged new puzzle piece

As I sit here, under this light, next to this fountain, nursing this jagged new puzzle piece for my heart to fit together with all my other jagged puzzle pieces...I gaze up at a sliver of moon and the moonchild within me sighs - sadness, mixed with confusion, laced with mistrust, interwoven with hurt.  She sighs and within her exhale she breathes out a silent plea for help...as her quiet calling goes out into the night, she...me...I entreat the gods for answers, I implore the Spirits for comfort, I beg my ancestors for strength and understanding.  Strength to get me past a new anger that seeks to find a place inside me beside all my old angers.  Understanding to help me see I am not the only one searching, making mistakes and as much as he has trespassed upon my fragile heart, so have I transgressed upon others.  I feel a breeze soft thru my hair, falling gentle upon my skin, as though my sigh had circled back to me, my Spirit converging with Spirits of those long since passed on but, in essence remaining, ever watchful...and then, the small, quiet voice within offers an answer soft but clear. "I am my own healing and with every blow to my delicate psyche, I must salve my own pain if the mending of my soul is to be true."  This realization fucking sucks...point blank, blunt and on the real.  My desire to hand these struggles off to someone stronger so intense...I just want someone to fix me, make this goddamn pain disappear; but a coward I am not, and so, with my tenaciousness dictating my every move, I take hold my sword and move forward, even as I am struck down, again and again and again.  I always get back up.  Someday I know my trials and toils will give way to peace and as I sit here, under this light, next to this fountain, gazing up at a sliver of moon...the moonchild within me sighs again.

oh how i'd love...

to go back in time and sit in on a lecture given by Socrates, with a tape recorder hidden in my pocket and not with the intent to come back and make a profit...just to have - wow!

to live to be 100 years old and then, 6 more months. this way, for 6 months i can say, “I’m a century old”. after that, i’ll be ready to go with a big smile on my face...…

to see every one of my girls grow up and make at least one of their dreams come true, despite my mistakes...

to be there when one of my girls gives birth...

to be financially secure enough that i never have to ask for help, ever…instead, i'm there for another...

to own a sweet ass Harley and take a road trip cross country...

to hold my dearest friends close always, even when we live far apart...

to be a recognized and respected writer...

to understand Quantum Physics...

to grow a vegetable garden & feed my family from it...

to fall in love with a good man, an understanding and spiritual man...he must be strong enough to put me in my place if need be but smart enough to choose his words carefully...i want a man secure enough and comfortable enough to be in the same room with me and not need to fill the silence with talk...i want him to be funny, or at least to be able to recognize funny and laugh dammit, laugh out loud!

to look at my mistakes as lessons and learn from them!

to live up to my own standards...

to look at my enemies as brothers and sisters...

to finally understand and be altruistic...

to meet the Dahli Lama who exemplifies altruistim...

to be alive when the Tibetans are finally able to go home...

to be old and gray, sitting in my chair reflecting on my life with no regrets and some pretty damn good stories to tell.

to be of the presence of mind that when my grandchildren sneak cookies from their mommas’ cupboards, i don’t reprimand them, i join them!

to know serenity...

to finally know serenity...

so much more

There is so much more-

beneath the surface-

something so sacred & precious-

Humanity has forgotten its own magic...

distracted by surface desires-

the search for money, power, prestige-

none of that matters in the end...

what matters is 'the so much more'!

The moments -the child's trust-

the old lady's stories-

the miracles when mountains seem...

insurmountable...

quiet hopes in the face of loud disappointments-

the small hand hopeful,

held by the big hand that struggles...

there is so much more-

and this 'more'?

Yea...this matters more to me.

reaching out...

reaching out to silence-
reaching out to emptiness-
reaching out to darkness...
realizing-
sometimes it is best to stop reaching out
and begin reaching...
seeking...
within...

me thinks...

'me thinks', said the proclaimed harlot, in a moment of quiet introspection and safe haven from the judgments of the self righteous as they sat upon their high horses and were momentarily distracted...'me thinks that sometimes, to reach the sacred, to reach the holy...one must first delve in the darkness...one must first wallow in the evil that is possible in all mankind...possible but not insurmountable, because, before there was evil, there was and is always...light...i have done things i regret, yet...had i not trespassed in those most darkest of places, would i know the brilliance and utter beauty of the light? would the joy i feel as i take the hand of the most High be so complete if i hadn't fallen so far? i own my Truth...because for so long i was fooled by lies...i know my Sacredness...because for so long i thought i was unworthy...i am treasured and i treasure that which calls to me...the Great I Am...I AM...i always have been...i just got lost for a minute...distracted by the judgments of other lost souls who themselves are distracted...ah, but their search will one day come to a discovery...just has mine has...our light is always and in all ways lighting our way Home...

much to learn

So much to learn! So much to 'unlearn' first! That which I have for so long thought of as 'truth' has in fact only served as a wall blocking me from all that is authentic...a distraction from the question I can't help but ask always...'why'? Followed by the ever tenacious 'why not'? People, are you paying attention? Something is coming...be ready...