responsibility

tearing down old ways of thinking…
discovering new realms hidden within…i’ll be damned….within ME!
all life is a creative process, whether realized or not, conscious or unconscious…
this is hard! how does one break out of years of intensely ingrained beliefs?
and never mind sharing your discovery with others…people are quick to knock down what is unfamiliar…
but “it” insists, this creative concept takes a seat in your mind and does not leave your thoughts…
“it” hangs out, sometimes deep inside your psyche, other times on the tail feathers of your musings…
once entertained, the concept that we are individually responsible for our worlds and all they entail never truly leaves us…
once explored, we are reborn with a sense that we are generators of all that exists within our experience…

responsibility, a powerful place to stand…

change your thoughts

change your thoughts, you change your life, you change your family’s relationship, you change your community, you change your city, your state, your nation and eventually….change your world…


but no…people hang on to the ill conceived notion that they are destined for misery…and they have all the evidence in the world to back up this insane, inane belief…as soon as yet another unfortunate event crosses their path, they hang on to it, they hold it up for all to see, they use it as a means to gain the sympathy of others…they may not do so conciously, but they’re doing it…i know, i used to as well…

but something happened…i ain’t gonna claim i’m healed, it takes work fo damn sho’…hehehe…it’s called surrender, it’s called taking responsibility, it’s called making a choice to learn from my life rather than be victim to it…it’s called…

….changing my thoughts…

There but for the grace of God…

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these. ~George Washington Carver
There but for the grace of God go I…or…there because of the grace of God must I go if I am to become all that I can be. There is so much power in us…yet, we don’t realize this until we are tested. How will we know the profound depth of our own strength if we are never knocked down? It is when we are down that we have the opportunity before us to find a way to get up. Once up, we are then presented with another opportunity, call it a choice. We can choose to be a victim or, we can look upon the scar and see that we are so much stronger for it. There must come a time when we look back on our pain and cherish it…honor the lesson presented for us to learn from if we so choose. It’s some scary shit…but, it is so needed. The light can’t know itself without venturing into the dark…

i demand of you this...

i demand of you this...
be better...
i demand that you rise above...
that you use your talents for more
than just enrichening yourself...
i demand that you be an example...
you are not living here alone...
you have much to offer...
if only by living the best you can...
i demand you stop for a moment...
give thanks for your blessings...
wallowing in self imposed pity,
is a waste of all that you are, all you can be...
i demand that you seek your destiny...
rather than wait for fate to push you round the corner...
examine your choices, learn from them, good or bad...
i demand much, oh, but wait...there's more...
i demand that you take what has shaken you to your core
and use it to build yourself back from the abyss of sadness...
this depression is a weak, meek excuse to be victim...
stop...take what you've learned and turn the ugly into beauty...
you have a compassion now borne from having been at the
front line of hard experience, whatever that experience may be...
i demand that you stand after having fallen, shake yourself off...
i demand all this, and so much unspoken more...
after all this, with audacity i ask but one more thing...a favor if you will...
i ask that you in turn, demand all that i have and so much unspoken more...
of me....

thank you...

it use to be...
i was easily impressed by a favorable mention,
i was easily impressed by the obvious...
no longer is this so...
i find, i've become particular...
if you speak to my mind, my soul...i want to hear more...
don't tell me i am beautiful
if you haven't had time to know my soul...
beauty being only skin deep...your compliments fall empty,
unless you have taken the time to know the soul within...
listen...weigh heavy my words...
challenge me, make me accountable...
respectfully i will consider your views...
thankfully, i will examine my own...
to fight the good fight, it is imperative,
to be clear on all the vantages, all the facets that are possible...
question me, challenge me...anger me if you must...
i will respect the truth of what you say...
i may take it on... i may...hehehehe...
or i may not...that's ok tho'...
you made me think...you made me examine all that is....
this is a good thing...for this i am grateful...
for this privilege...let's go grab a beer, listen to good music,
converse, argue, make up and talk some more...
be the inspiration that challenges me to be my best and then some...
and know that when all is said and done, i have but this to say to you....

thank you....

And what?!

And what? Whatchu gots to say?
I beat the odds oh yeah I did...
I didn't believe the lies...
I didn't allow your own inferiorities to become
mine.
I kept on keepin on.
and my power is paying off..
you see, my power is my own...
has nothing to do with your lack of faith...
my power stems from a deep place, a profound knowing.
I know what I can do.
I know what I can offer.
To believe any less in myself is not only a sin...
I would later regret.
It is a disservice I would have committed against the world.
I am a force to be reckoned with...
this scares you.
As I write this arrogant prose,
I realize,
You fear me!
You have reason to!
Ha! Yeah I'm makin my dreams reality.
So...
What? Whatchu gots to say?
Not a damn thing, yeah.
When in the presence of greatness one does find oneself rendered
Speechless.
That's ok tho'...
I enjoy the silence your shock is awarding me.
I enjoy the breeze of success blowing upon my skin after
the work and sweat I put into making my dream come true...
feels good, feels real good...so...
what? Whatchu gots to say?
Ahhh not a damn thing huh? Cool, wouldn't take a moment,
No, no more precious moments to entertain your fears.
Step off, I've got things to do...
What...never mind...don't care whatchu gots to say...

the spirit dance

i close my eyes and let the music envelop my senses,
headphones allowing only for the notes of one song,
then another to enter upon my listening...
my body sways, surrendering to my soul's wanderings...
like a flame flickering, fed only by the sound of instrumental musings,
the exploration of a world not far from our fingertips,
a place we once could see and if we let them, our children can teach us about,
before we erase their memories with our well meant teachings...
a place set deep in our hearts,
a memory we all share but can't all seem to remember...
music, in the midnight hour is to me a release...
momentary freedom from the bonds of fears taught to me from a past
i'd like nothing more than to distance myself from forever...
take the lessons gleaned yes, but forget, sweetly erase the memories of the pain evoked...
when i let myself float upon the music, i remember from whence i came...
i see my spirit's vibrance as though stepped back from myself...
my soul gazes back with loving eyes and then i step in...
back into myself and i become again what i have always been...
i sway with a spirit's grace, colors played upon by the light that is mine...
the light that is within and shines through my own eyes...
out to a world struggling also to dance the spirit's dance...
the music is playing, always, the Creator tenaciously continues to strum the strings,
waiting so patient for our awakening...for our dance back...
back to the light that we carry inside as subtle reminders of the brilliance that borne us...
words barely express my own joy as my spirit takes over and i sway...
vibrant colors, light plays upon light...and all this with eyes closed, looking in...

skim the surface...

see, it's a dangerous quality i possess...
i'm too deeply motivated to share, too generous with my profound feelings...
i entrust my emotions too fully to those who would choose only to skim the surface...
they want none of what i have to offer, even as they taste the splendor,
they reject the feast...
what transpires then is...
i am left empty handed and feeling betrayed...
and there is no one to blame, no one...
aloneness is a place i find most secure...
here in this silence is a peace i am more and more succumbing to...
wrap myself in a blanket of solitude...
no empty promises, no need to break through walls...
i leave you alone...
you leave me alone...

remember...

take a walk with me, be quiet and still your mind...
let's walk up to that mountain in the distance...
when we get to the top, we will stand and listen...
close our eyes and listen with our hearts and spirits...
and we will hear them...
we will hear the drums of our ancestors...
we will listen to the songs of the old ones...
there will be no differences in race, color or class...
the music of the ancient tribes throughout the world will combine...
and the songs will become one song...as familiar to our souls as tho'
we'd sung them too...
and we have, we just don't remember...
we will stand on this mountain, you and i and we will know peace...
we will know love...we will remember...
for who we really are is not so different from one another...and those differences...
ahh, those precious differences are what is so beautiful and sacred in each of us...

we will remember...

i am but a...

i am but a note sitting upon a page of music that both delights and saddens...
a melodious sound that evokes both pain and joy, love and hate...
i am but a word sitting amongst many in a story that has no beginning, no end...
a book that entices the Reader to turn page after page,
never knowing what will happen next...
i am but a stroke from a painter's brush, sitting upon a palette of many colors...
i know that my hue graces His canvas and that i am a part of a great work...
i am but a breeze left over from a great wind, a small drop of rain...
from a great storm that has crossed over the fields of humanity
and left it's mark forever...
i am but a small part of a larger scheme...so small,
yet, i am so important...
He treasures me, seeks me out, as he does all my brothers and sisters...
you are as i am...small, seemingly insignificant, yet...not so in His eyes...
we are cherished, loved without condition, treasured beyond all reason...
there is no reason other than pure and complete Love...
we are this and more, simply...we are...simply...
i am...

for the playas

i wrote this after reading an article by a self proclaimed "playa", bragging about his manhood...dumbfuck....this is dedicated to men and women alike...
yes, you'll say i'm "playa hatin"...
is there such a thing as "playa lovin"?
men and women alike who go around scheming and playing games with people's heads and hearts...
you do this because you don't have the fucking courage to be honest.
if you want to fuck around for awhile, sow your oats and stay away from the monogomous relationships,
there ain't nothin wrong with that (if you protect, protect, protect yourself)...
however,
there's something deeply wrong with lying to people,
conning them into thinking you feel more than you really do...
what kind of shit is that?
you play with people's heads and hearts and then walk around like you're the shit...
you're a lyin ass con artist...
there's nothing to be proud of here...
to me you're a snake in the grass who attacks when the other person is at his or her most vulnerable...
those are the people you need to stay away from...
you laugh at the trust someone places in you...
why would you in a million years think that was something to make light of...
trust is something to cherish...
what dumbfucks you are...
YEAH, i'm calling it like i see it...
and i'm callin you out...
i've come across a few people who have been lied to and hurt deeply and quite frankly,
it makes me sick...
these are good people, sweet and honest people...
that anyone would want to play games with their feelings
is a reflection of their own lack of self esteem
and their own inabilities to maintain anything of substance...
you are scared and it shows...
so, for all of you who've been played, don't take it personal...be glad you figured it out and got out...

"wetback"

Nico Jones, d.j. for Latino 96.3…used the term “wetback” on his show…this was his response to an angry email regarding his choice…”Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed email…its purpose was to diminish the negative stigma that the word carries. U didn’t hear the entire show I take it? My mom was attacked by a racist…and I wanted to make that word one that means NOTHING!!! I wish I had more time to write…but got to get to show.”…i wrote to jdub who’s response was that by using this word you were opening up a dialogue…while i respect his passion…and i tried, i tried hard to make myself see his perspective…at the end of the day all i can say is…open the dialogue using and displaying your intelligence as a latino…don’t lower yourself to the level of the white racist by borrowing his term and then trying to explain it away as the fault of your community for not showing up at the polls…and to you nico, on your response to your listener all i can say is…
horseshit…if you’re going to put out such an inflammatory word…then, take the time to answer clearly, concisely and authentically…all you did here was write just enough so you could say…”yeah, i answer all my emails”…you start out by thanking him and then you turn around and invalidate his anger by questioning whether he heard all you had to say and then, you take the route of victim turned survivor…”My mom was attacked by a racist…and I wanted to make that word one that means NOTHING!!!” what kind of logic is this? i was verbally attacked by a racist too…that word makes me cringe…no amount of repeating it over and over and over, in whatever arena you want will make me think differently…and for you to say you want it to mean NOTHING by using it on your show…please, do you think the people who listen in are stupid? you’re backpeddling and it’s disrespectful…
terms like “nigger”, “wetback”, “spic”, “kink”, etc., etc., etc., are terms created to minimize…they are what racists used to keep the non-white or non-christian down…it’s their way of ignoring that the person(s) they are referring to is an actual human being…you can’t take that kind of ugly and make it funny or take away it’s meaning…this is tough to get…don’t ever forget the hate and disparagement behind those words…you can’t take a word apart from it’s meaning or it’s purpose for being created….those words have their place in history…sadly….all you’re doing is keeping them fresh on the scene…you open wounds and then you pour salt on them…
i won’t tell you how to do your show…but here’s my consejo, for what it’s worth…challenge your listeners to think for themselves…challenge them to get off their butts and get out there and vote…it’s not enough to spark a protest and encourage them to rise up in the streets…we must as a community understand that to effect change, we have to do the whole nine…you are in a priviledged place in that you have a medium to voice your views loud and clear…man, be smart and think outside the box white america has tried to stuff you in…

BE

Complacency…general-ass-izations…assumptions made, conclusions drawn, all the while ignoring common fucking courtesy…common decency…common respect…
The truth is not subtle, it is screaming to be heard in a world made deaf by denial…it is screaming with a voice made hoarse by the ignorance that runs rampant through the masses…the people should know better…the people DO know better…
Accountability must be accepted…we are responsible for our world, we must shake off the victim’s cloak, raise our faces to the light and accept our birthright, it is our responsibility to live with DIGNITY…racism is the most undignified evil of them all…it discounts the glory of our humanity, it belittles the value of our existence, and by God, I will not stand for it…
I will not stand idly by and allow the parade of foolish self righteousness to continue down the street that is my LIFE, my WORLD…my children deserve better…in fact…it is my duty, my most holy and sacred responsibility to impart within them indignation in the face of ignorance…yes, be insulted when you see someone oppressed….yes, be horrified when you see someone beat down…yes, be offended when you hear a term degrading in it’s hollow delivery…yes, be all these things and then BE MORE…be that someone who steps forward and faces the bullshit…be that someone who never backs down, the thorn in the side of complacent resignation…BE THE DRIVING FORCE OF CHANGE…
And, when all is said and done, and you lie there thinking back on your life…be assured, your voice was heard, however softly you may have spoken, your voice joined the long line of voices on a march toward something better, something more…something we all must look toward and fight for if we are ever going to find all that we are and can be..

she

Rwanda:


She climbed the hill determined to reach the top and make her stand. Something in her had snapped, she wasn’t thinking straight. Her family had suffered in the genocide, many killed off by soldiers whose souls had long departed, men who were able to sleep at night because their hearts felt nothing. It had been a month since she had been told her husband was dead, tortured, his body disposed. She had buried her only son a month earlier and this news of her husband created in her a resolve to die. What was left of her family, a sister and a cousin, stood vigil over her, determined to stop any attempt she might make to end her life. Her days were spent rocking in place, sitting under a tree. Her nights were spent, sleepless, unless sleep overtook her at which point the dreams would awaken her to her own screams. And then, one day…she noticed something…and this little something sparked a change in her…a new resolve that brought back a light to her eye. She realized she was with child and this new life was the catalyst she needed to awaken from her deep, deep sadness. The sadness remained but, no longer did it dictate her choices. On this day, she climbed a hill and stood with her fist raised. The clouds opened up and released a warm rain. Drenched she stood, fist to the sky. “I AM ALIVE!” she said, softly…it was enough to have found the strength to say these words…the energy invoked was powerful…she looked in the face of evil and with unwavering courage, she said, “I AM ALIVE”.

Iraq:

Her only crime was walking outside without covering her face. The baby ran out the front door, so, she gave chase and in doing so, brought upon her a night of hell. He beat her soundly, stopping only to eat his nightly meal, which he demanded she prepare. She lay down while he finished eating, waiting for him to continue his punishment. The next morning, she prepared his clothes for the day, saw to his breakfast, and that of her children. He left her a warning, she could still feel the sting on her cheek. He left and after she saw the children off, she pulled up a small section of their wood floor and retrieved a hidden notebook. Within the pages she wrote, her dreams, her stories, her ideas. She lived lives unknown to anyone else and she created characters that were real to her, characters that gave her strength. No matter the abuse she suffered from her husband’s hands, she found a way, a place to go to for solace. This place wasn’t real, yet…it was to her, a sanctuary. In this place she was loved, in this place she walked with her face defiantly open, her heart defiantly free.

U.S.A.:

He left her with 5 children. Something about, “This shit is too hard, I’ll be back, I’ll send money, blah, blah, blah.” He never came back and, the money never came. She had to figure it out and take care of her babies. She had always worked, but, one job now was not enough. So, she took on working four nights per week in a grocery store, luckily right down the street from her house. The extra money was slim, but, it was enough to pay the bills. She lived in a broken down neighborhood, with broken hearted people, but somehow, she kept her dignity intact. She kept on keepin on and ruled with an iron fist and a loving heart. She had to…her five children were not about to run around loose in the ghetto, getting into all kinds of mess. She was not above yanking her son off the basketball court by his ear if he chose to ignore her calling him in. And the boys who came flocking to her door were chased away by her chilling looks, while her daughters grumbled in the background. Her children hated this, yet, they didn’t…strange paradigm indeed. And the other children in the neighborhood were attracted to her home, her kitchen to be exact. She cooked well and somehow, she cooked enough. Enough for her own and for children whose parents had long since given up. She never gave up and they sensed this. Many times they could be found at her home with a hot meal in front of them and with her asking them 20 questions about their school, their thoughts, their dreams. She refused to give up her own dreams, she refused to give up period.

Women, I say to you…you are strong, you are worthy and you are treasured…you have free will…if a situation is such that you cannot escape…I hope that you find escape in other ways…mankind’s divinity…both that of woman or man…is not dictated by man (although man deludes himself into thinking it is)…it is a gift from something more…it is our birthright.

afterglow

mmmm, wow….he was amazing…you were amazing…passionate, uninhibited…you made making love an art, a celebration of intimacy and ecstacy….as you settle into the afterglow, you both lie there content…no need for qualifying words, for some nonsensical chatter…you complement each other and the comfortable silence speaks volumes of the depth of respect and love you share…in your heart of hearts, your soul is dancing with the realization that you have found him…and you cherish this dawning, you realize further that to have found him as you did, you had to first suffer…you had to doubt yourself, lose yourself, cry to yourself many a sleepless night, until one glorious moment you found that you needed no one to validate you…once this thought sank in and truly became an integral part of this wonderful being that is you…what an amazing happening, you found him…and in the afterglow, you also found you…

What would he think...

…when he saw her naked, for the first time? Oh, she was so worried. She’d placed so much focus on her children, on taking care of house and home, she’d long forgotten what the touch of a man felt like. Her children were older and her life a bit slower, so, every once in a while, she’d take herself down to the bookstore, candy store for the brain. Here she’d peruse any number of titles, order a latte and wallow in decadent peace and quiet. It was on just such an excursion that she met….him. She didn’t notice him right away, but, he noticed her. When she realized she was being watched, she found herself….what? Blushing? What was this? She wasn’t familiar anymore with this reaction, but, he was so handsome! He was also very insightful for he noted her blush and decided on an easy going, non threatening approach. “Hi…”. And so their relationship began. Slow and easy, no definitions needed, no qualifying terminology, just two people enjoying each other and the attraction that grew each passing day. She let him meet her children and, although the girls were reserved, the youngest voiced what apparently had been agreed upon by all of them…,”it’s nice to hear you giggle Mom.”
What would he think when he saw her naked, for the first time? She looked at her belly, not so flat anymore. She counted the stretchmarks, only to find them countless. A groan escaped her lips…she couldn’t go through with this…and then he walked in. She caught herself, grabbed the corner of a sheet to cover her vulnerability. He was very insightful, he noticed her blush and…he understood. He crossed the length of the room and took her into his arms. He then did the unpredictable…he pulled the sheet down and kissed each stretchmark. He pointed out what they represented and with poetic ease and sweet respect, he adored her sacrifice. He honored the scars she’d taken on to birth her children and he honored her for having the resolve to do her best by her babies.
And that night, she realized what she’d always been and never allowed to step forth…she was a full on woman, the earthy, down to earth real kind that can make a man shudder in his ecstacy and one who can revel in her own mystical, spiritual, natural wonderfulness.

At last…exhale…..at last….

We the People

We the People of the United States-
brown, red, yellow, white and black…
we must awaken our sleeping masses-
we must take this country back.
Freedom is in danger of becoming
a dream of the past-
I say to thee, we must step up
and do something fast.
When big business and hidden agendas
are running the show-
We the People must rise and tell
this government NO.
You serve US, Congress with your
pockets so deep-
Your promises to us, we DEMAND
that you keep.
Our masses must gather and gather
strong-
We have power in our numbers to
correct all that is wrong.
One by one we must exercise
our sacred right-
We must use our vote, our most
powerful weapon in this fight.
This president has proven
time and again-
that We the People do not
matter, we do not matter to him.
His evil reign has caused such strife
and destruction-
We the People must come to OUR
OWN defense and protection.
VOTE, my people - brown, red,
yellow, white and black…
We must awaken our sleeping
masses and TAKE OUR COUNTRY BACK!