Stand in The Pain

There are times when life seems to hit us from all sides and it is everything we can do to keep moving forward.
It is these times when we must stop, breathe and pay close attention
to the character being shaped within us.
Just as a sword must be placed in fire and hammered to perfection,
so too are our Spirits being honed.
Dispel the distractions caused by the pain we must endure...
stand in the pain and let the fire shape you.
Stand in the pain and realize it is an illusion and the warrior that is you
is finally ready to break free of the lie that in this life your joy depends
on outside influences.
Your joy, your strength of character, your dreams becoming reality...
all of this and more is your birthright.
Your birthright...

have FUN

have fun...
laugh...take risks...do that which is terrifying...
if only to to feel that adrenaline rush...
oh god...
don't you see? 
the status quo would limit you...
stifle your valience into a box not of your choosing...
choose to challenge the given...
for the given, in reality, merely takes...
and suffocates the courageous...the audacious...
the free Spirit that in essence,
we are all borne from...
fuck yeah...
i beg of thee...
have FUN!

are you real?

i feel what i feel...
i speak what comes to mind...
i am real...
you can't handle this?
well then...
go away...
got no time in my life for cowards...
got no time in my life for games...
you can't rise up to my intensity?
then again i say...
go away...
this space in my heart is saved for someone...
real...

are you?
real?

i choose...

our damaged pasts, the pain we are born into...
must they dictate our future?
perhaps so, to an extent...
however, we have the power to decide...
we are equipped with strengths that, ironically, come from the pain we carry...
our parents may not have had the strength to shield us from their hurts...
that doesn't mean they didn't love us...they did the best they could by us...
to those raised in abuse...
we are not limited...
we are not victims...
we are survivors...and our pasts...
well, we have a choice...
i choose to love, i choose to forgive...to each their own...
i believe in the magic of life...i believe in the magic of Spirit...
so, i choose to cry when it hurts...
yell when i'm angry...
make my mistakes and forgive m'self...
and, i choose to be responsible...
to take my power and use it to help others...
and hopefully...most of all...
i pray that my daughters four understand
that their mama...imperfect as she was...is...and always will be...
so in love with them...
so...in love...with...them...

dedicated to Sarah, Casie, Jada &...Liset!

no room for the negative

no room for the negative,
no time for the complaint...
life is a move forward, step back,
move forward, twirl around kind of dance
and if we are willing to do the work necessary
to be the best that we can be...
that dance will be a dance filled with joy
and the bittersweet will serve to make
the good times all the richer...
delving in the negative stops the dance
and creates a stagnant atmosphere
where growth is stunted and joy is stifled...
it is an effort but it is possible to train one's mind
into focusing on the positive...
i, for one, am more than willing to put forth this effort
for i have seen the good that comes of it
and i want that to be a strength i develop and grow into...
there can be found a positive in every negative,
a light in every darkness,
beauty in all that is ugly...
one only has to decide to leave
no room for the negative...

he saw

he raised his hand to her
she flinched...
he saw,
for the first time...
he saw her flinch and it did something to him...
it shamed him in a way nothing else could...
for a moment, finally, he saw himself through her eyes,
through her pain...pain he himself had caused...
and then, he saw his past...
he remembered his father hitting his mother...
the alcohol on his breath not enough to numb
the pain in that man's heart
and the bruises on his mother's face,
nothing like the bruises scarring her weary soul...
he saw his woman flinch and it was enough to make him
lower his fist...
make him look deeper into his wounded self...
it made him be accountable...for the first time in forever...
he took a step toward responsibility...
he took a step toward healing...
and after much work...
and after much honesty and deep, deep reflection...
the next time he raised his hand...
she didn't flinch...
he placed his hand on her beautiful face
and he cherished her...
and...
he cherished himself...

the best i can be...

sometimes you just gotta accept
that, the way things are
are simply, just the way things are...
the cliche 'it is what it is'
is by it's simplicity
such a truth...
my brother hurts and he lashes out at me...
the only brother i have left, i only hope that someday,
he'll realize his own truths and let me be me...
my best friend hurts, somehow, i failed her
and i don't even know how, but,
someday...i hope she'll have the patience to work with me...
and keep our old friendship new again...
my oldest friend and first real love took his own life...
and this, by far, has been the hardest reality to accept...
that he's gone and i have to keep on moving forward without him...
and there's not a damn thing i can do but to be the best i can be...
somehow, figure out what that is...
and be
the
best
i
can
be...