somebody else's somebody

tryin to be somebody...
according to somebody's rules-
somebody else's idea of what it takes to be
somebody...
when all i want-
all i really, really want...
is to be
me...

weakness

strong-
be strong...
how the fuck should i be strong?
when my heart is so strongly-
pulling me to places
that glorify my weakness?
how weak is my weakness?
really?
when it can tear my resolve
to pieces...

always more...

If only you could grasp
the depth of what I feel-
from where I see you.
You are so much more than
the pain you delve in.
The dark you wear merely a cloak-
for there is a light...
it's there-in your smile-
in your laugh-
as much as the blackness you are...
there is always more...

my name is...

my name is...
does it matter?
i didn't pick it...
you want to know me?
or just my name?
would you like me to introduce m'self?
i am...
nervous, neurotic-
anxious and sad...
i am...
hopeful, happy-
idealistic and real...
i am all this and more-
do you really just want to know my name-
or do you want to know...
me?

fragile

and she...fragile soul that she be...
will find the strength to hold open her heart...
she will be strong enough to let him know...
all the love that she carries...
all the love that she feels...
for him...
and she...fragile soul that she be...
will lay bare this precious love...
all the while knowing full well...
she may never receive anything in return...
she is the courageous one...
she is the warrior...
she is the embodiment of love's sweet fervor...
she is the unconditional what if...
the risk and the hope,
the sweet joy and sadness that defines love...
and defies all fear and doubt...
she...fragile soul that she be...
she will see this through and in the end...
she will look back with no regrets...
because...she...
fragile soul that she be...
let love run it's burning course thru her...
and...for all that is fragile within her...
she will be the strong one...

never end...

the following was inspired in two ways...by the death of my brother...an inspiration i wish with all my heart i'd never been touched by...and, by the work of Gina Loring (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSlqlUQUc28)...a poet whose words helped me to find an opening for my own pain so long held inside...

His name was Steven Albert and he was my brother-
15 years ago he passed...
15 years ago I learned that sometimes...
sometimes you just have to realize
that they just can't...
they're caught up-their addiction too strong...
they overcome for a time...hope
they fall again...despair
and you will ride this roller coaster
with no light at the end of the tunnel...
you will ride until one day,
you get the call...
and your time will have come to get off the ride
no more hope,
no more despair...
just the knowing that
forevermore...
your mourning will never end...
his name was Steven Albert and he was my brother-
15 years ago he passed...
and my mourning
will never
end...

message in a bottle

and with a flourish and a frenzy she wrote her heart's content to set adrift upon an ocean filled with dreams...the day did come the answer she sought - sought her, a message from a bottle set adrift on the same ocean, from such a far off place...and the message read, simply, sweetly...'i am on my way...i will arrive on time...and i will be all you ever dreamed...'