dark places

in doing the Work (which is what i call self-evaluating & breaking down certain aspects of myself to understand why i operate the way i do), i find that it is not enough to think & be positive, it is not enough to decorate my surroundings in affirmations, to watch self realization videos or read self help books...one can do all these things & more, while sweetening their tea exported from small villages in Africa with local honey, or alkalizing their water with Himalayan salt & choosing the perfect crystal to carry over their heart on a silver chain... all of these tools mean nothing until i dig down deep into my psyche & face my dark places...there is work to be done to understand why i have such great intentions & yet sabotage my own joy because i let that part of myself that wants only to survive & does not want to take a risk talk me out of taking a risk that could potentially launch me into realizing my dreams...it is all in the Mind & the Mind is a wonderland of possibilities or a nightmarish realm of mere existence...it is essential to the seeker that he or she develop a habit of meditation so as to silence the Mind if only to find that reboot button within that pulls one from The Program & allows one to develop their own Program...freeing your Mind isn't just a poetic call to Awaken... it is a call to roll up your sleeves & get to work... you must be tenacious & you must be willing to stay consistently cognizant of what you contribute to your own growth...& it requires that you be brave because in your dark places hides those parts of you that you won't acknowledge, but they're there... acknowledge them you must, embrace them even... this is is how we heal a broken world, by healing & loving ourselves first...💙🕉️💚

my name is maria cristina

carry you...

the unveiling

it is all sacred

quiet...

i remember my dad taking us to the Mogollan Rim (i was 8 yrs old)...i walked to a huge, flat rock that extended over the cliff & sat down cross legged, like i was getting ready to hear a story at the foot of a great storyteller, only the storyteller was the Wind as She moved through the trees i gazed out on...so many trees, so many different kinds of green! i remember that breathing in & out deeply & mindfully was natural to me back then, i didn't need a guide or self help cd (lol)...i just knew, i felt the sanctity of the moment, the sacred, simple quiet of my own thoughts in favor of the sounds coming from the forest around me...i felt that cool breeze on my face & through my hair & at eight years old i remembered...i remembered love, grace, quiet, peace...i remembered joy, i was joy...i was Spirit...when i tell people about that memory i am sometimes told i was kind of a weird kid...i guess maybe i was? but, years later, as an adult, finally i am more & more embracing my "weirdness" & i'm not faking who i am or what i believe so that others might like or respect me...i dig this track i'm on, i am good with being a little out there or, as i was told often in my childhood, living with my head in the clouds...my feet are firmly planted in the soil, digging in because, after all, i am a work in progress...i reflect on the many, many poor choices i have made & i am, one by one, forgiving myself for those errors in judgment...self forgiveness & self love are crucial to living your best life & to being an example...i am digging in & facing my own mirror, many times with great effort because the view can be dark, but i'm seeking the lessons taught by consequences & finding the light through it all...personal responsibility brings with it power, the kind of quiet strength that keeps one humble...there is a quiet i am feeling that has nothing to do with the noise outside of myself...i want to cultivate this quiet...i am in Love with this quiet & i know this quiet is God...i feel no need to prove what i know or to to argue with others over what they know...this is a place in my soul that gives me peace & needs no definition or explanation...i'm cool with it... :)

love, in its purest form

love, in its purest form does not cater to fear...love does not doubt...love is not jealous, love in its purest form allows for growth, in fact, within this love, one cannot help but grow, become a better person...it has taken me a long time to learn this...it's as tho' the doors in my heart have been thrown open & i am facing this beautiful open field...the sky is a deep blue, the breeze carries the scent of rain & i am free...free!  this is the good stuff indeed...

simply peace

just a thought i've been mulling over...through this happiness i'm feeling, i must remain unattached...some might not understand...here's my view...we're all looking for happiness & doing our best to run away from sadness...but why?  neither emotion is permanent, both are inevitable & both share an equal importance for the journey we're on...no, i think our focus should instead be on the acceptance of what is, the use of what we experience as tools to become all we strive to become & peace...simply peace...i think true joy comes from peace & really, what else can compare?  i think our most fundamental purpose is to remember who we really are, to wake up from the dream...for me, this is a spiritual ride & it's finally making sense...(disclaimer:  there were no Christians, Catholics, Muslims, Buddhists, Atheists, Hindus, Wiccans or anyone else intentionally challenged, bullied, ridiculed or harmed during the writing of these thoughts...they're just my thoughts)...just a lil moeism by moetif

leaps and bounds

leaps & bounds to success are great...high achievements are to be proud of...but baby steps, ah...those baby steps on your way to a better life...these sacred small accomplishments are never celebrated enough & they should be because after all, some of the toughest journeys back from a fall usually began with a baby step...never minimize your courage & power because you're moving a bit slow on your comeback...you're moving & that is in & of itself, a big deal...keep it up, you got this...

for me, today showed me, i definitely got this...

talk to me...

talk to me, talk to me,
teach me your paradigm
so that my paradigm can extend further
beyond the limits of this lifelong, imaginary box...
the walls are becoming transparent,
my eyes, once blind, are beginning to see
because i am awakening to a vision both
new and familiar...i am realizing who i really am
on a level far deeper than words can travel...
but i will use my words, i will paint pictures with my words
and i will clear the dust off the window of my Spirit so that others
can see what i see...
whether they choose to dig deep within themselves or not is
not my worry...i know a seed will be planted and in time will grow,
just as mine has...

i've been putting on a show

i've been putting on a show. i've been running away from myself, hiding in places like Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest. i've been acting like i don't care as much that he hurt me when the truth is, my heart still bleeds...i'm just getting used to it. how can one man be so important that even his absence is like a kick in the gut. i have inundated my world with all things positive & i have reached out with as much optimism as i can muster. faking it, trying to make it...masking this intense pain with smiles that don't reach my eyes & laughter that sounds hollow to my own listening. is this really it? are you really going to let me go with texts & one phone call? and i have to make due with the realization that my emotions bring out the coward in you? coward? in the end, this is what hurts the most...that i love a coward. i don't want to accept this. i thought you were better than this. what a heartbreaking disappointment you turned out to be. and how disillusioned am i that i fell for it, hook, line & sinker. i let you con me. i let you hurt me. and now i have to pick up the pieces and figure out where they go. 

write the words

i want to write the words 
that make you think-
make you remember-
who you really are. 
i want to write the words
that make you look into
the deepest part of yourself
and see the perfection you
were born as, 
the perfection we are all born as. 
i want to write the words
that soothe your pain, 
that make you look out at the world
instead of at your feet, 
and make you feel proud. 
and when another tries to bring you down...
i want to write the words 
that empower you to face that person and say, 
"you can't take away my light, but, don't be afraid 
to gaze upon my brilliance because maybe, 
just maybe, this light of mine is bright enough to help
guide you home."
yea, i want to write the words. 
(just a 'not so' lil moeism by moetif)
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Let Go

She tried to hold what would not be held.
She tried to mend what would not heal.
She breathed through the pain her fragile heart felt
and looked up into the bright sky...searching,
praying to the laughing gods for some answer,
yet the answer was not held there, not in some far off place.
The answer was within her, had always been...
and the answer was so simple...
let go...just let go. 

WAKE UP!

there is a fury building from deep within my Spirit...i am viewing the events of this world and the incredible apathy of my fellow brothers and sisters...what is wrong with us?  how have we been able to justify to ourselves the enormous cruelties we have allowed upon one another, other species that share our world and, the world Herself?  how can we in society think for one minute that it's ok to tell another how to live their life, who to love, where they are allowed to stand within the boundries of societal existence?  it is sickening to watch people behave in anger over a plate of food they certainly do not need, as they sit at their tables in restaurants with their noses in the air because their 'experience' is not up to par, meanwhile, children all over the world, to include this country, starve.  how can we walk with our heads held high screaming God's hate to a group of people and then turn around and preach an all loving and fair God in church...what sense does this make?  What sense does anything make when soldiers all over the world die in the name of freedom when the reality is, they die in the name of greed, power, money...and we all know it!  we are not stupid but, we pretend stupidity...we turn a blind eye to truth and it is infuriating....wake up!  a change is needed...a change is coming...WAKE UP!

three goals

1.  financial independence while doing what i love, creating & writing

2.  bring all my children together regularly so that they may rekindle their bond as sisters

3.  travel the world

you matter

"I am a hole in a flute that the Christ's breath moves through. Listen to this music." - Hafiz (fourteenth century Persian poet & Sufi master)...

you are so valued because you are a note to a universal & sacred song...
you are a brush stroke whose color vividly adds to a grand masterpiece...
you exist & that means you matter...
so, stay awhile because no one can ever take your place & the light you carry may very well be the light someone else just as sacred as you needs to find their way out of the darkness...(moetif)

Stand in The Pain

There are times when life seems to hit us from all sides and it is everything we can do to keep moving forward.
It is these times when we must stop, breathe and pay close attention
to the character being shaped within us.
Just as a sword must be placed in fire and hammered to perfection,
so too are our Spirits being honed.
Dispel the distractions caused by the pain we must endure...
stand in the pain and let the fire shape you.
Stand in the pain and realize it is an illusion and the warrior that is you
is finally ready to break free of the lie that in this life your joy depends
on outside influences.
Your joy, your strength of character, your dreams becoming reality...
all of this and more is your birthright.
Your birthright...

have FUN

have fun...
laugh...take risks...do that which is terrifying...
if only to to feel that adrenaline rush...
oh god...
don't you see? 
the status quo would limit you...
stifle your valience into a box not of your choosing...
choose to challenge the given...
for the given, in reality, merely takes...
and suffocates the courageous...the audacious...
the free Spirit that in essence,
we are all borne from...
fuck yeah...
i beg of thee...
have FUN!

are you real?

i feel what i feel...
i speak what comes to mind...
i am real...
you can't handle this?
well then...
go away...
got no time in my life for cowards...
got no time in my life for games...
you can't rise up to my intensity?
then again i say...
go away...
this space in my heart is saved for someone...
real...

are you?
real?

i choose...

our damaged pasts, the pain we are born into...
must they dictate our future?
perhaps so, to an extent...
however, we have the power to decide...
we are equipped with strengths that, ironically, come from the pain we carry...
our parents may not have had the strength to shield us from their hurts...
that doesn't mean they didn't love us...they did the best they could by us...
to those raised in abuse...
we are not limited...
we are not victims...
we are survivors...and our pasts...
well, we have a choice...
i choose to love, i choose to forgive...to each their own...
i believe in the magic of life...i believe in the magic of Spirit...
so, i choose to cry when it hurts...
yell when i'm angry...
make my mistakes and forgive m'self...
and, i choose to be responsible...
to take my power and use it to help others...
and hopefully...most of all...
i pray that my daughters four understand
that their mama...imperfect as she was...is...and always will be...
so in love with them...
so...in love...with...them...

dedicated to Sarah, Casie, Jada &...Liset!

no room for the negative

no room for the negative,
no time for the complaint...
life is a move forward, step back,
move forward, twirl around kind of dance
and if we are willing to do the work necessary
to be the best that we can be...
that dance will be a dance filled with joy
and the bittersweet will serve to make
the good times all the richer...
delving in the negative stops the dance
and creates a stagnant atmosphere
where growth is stunted and joy is stifled...
it is an effort but it is possible to train one's mind
into focusing on the positive...
i, for one, am more than willing to put forth this effort
for i have seen the good that comes of it
and i want that to be a strength i develop and grow into...
there can be found a positive in every negative,
a light in every darkness,
beauty in all that is ugly...
one only has to decide to leave
no room for the negative...